Broken Crown
by Loverseyes
Summary: Set at the announcement of the Quarter Quell. Peeta and Kantiss, now mentors, are now having to face some of the hardest decisions of their lives. What will they decide and how will it affect their future?
1. An Unforgetful Announcement

_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, all main characters belong to Suzanne Collins._

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

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' _You are not alone in this'_

 _-Mumford and Sons_

" _Maybe I shouldn't have done it."_

The thought runs through my head over and over. Yet here I stand at the end of my own grave looking down, digging a little deeper just to prove my point.

After Snow's announcement of the quarter quell, I was stunned speechless.

" _For the 75th hunger games, the third quarter quell, each distracts mentors will have to chose a male and female tribute to participate in the Games."_

The entire district saw it, if Peeta, Haymitch and I weren't already hated, we definitely were now. Giving the mentors the power to chose who went into the games was like telling the people there was no one they could trust. Snow was turning us around, instead of putting us on the side of the people, he was showing them that we were his pons. We would be forced to pick our friends, our family, our neighbors. People we may have known our whole life.

I was brought back to reality when I slammed straight into Peeta's chest.

"Oh ouch, are you ok?" Peeta questioned as he steadied himself on the snow and ice that littered the ground. His fingers dug into my arm, almost painfully as though he was trying to balance his entire life here in this moment clawing onto my arm.

"Yeah I'm okay. Sorry, I guess I wasn't paying attention" Our eyes met. The sparkle that was usually in his light blue eyes had disappeared. His pupils had dilated taking on a dark look. If someone saw him now, they never would have thought he had blue eyes.

His well sculpted merchants face looked hard, the clench in his jaw showed that he was clearly not happy. I wasn't essentially sure if it was due to the fact that I had just unknowingly slammed into him, or the announcement that had just been made.

I was drawn back to reality by the loss of warmth on my arms. His hands had disappeared, and with them it seemed so did my warmth. I wanted him to put his hands back on me, to comfort me to tell me, well, I wasn't quite sure what I wanted him to tell me. That he loved me? That seemed uncalled for, almost out of character for me. That's not what I wanted to hear.

"Katniss do you want to come with me to talk to Haymitch, I was just heading over there?" Peeta's voice was nice, it was calm and soothing not how it had been when he had first ran into me. It seemed he had finally grounded himself.

"Oh yeah, um, sure."

"Lead the way" Peeta didn't offer his hand, if anything he waited for me to start walking before he followed, a step or two behind. Slightly disappointed I trudged to Haymitch's door, not bothering to knock I walked straight through.

The sight before me was one to truly behold. In front of me sat a mostly sober Haymitch. His eyes had not clouded over yet, and the cup in his hand was still full. When he heard us come in he shifted slightly in his seat. Placing two glasses next to each other on his coffee table, he shifted back into how he had been before we came, staring blankly at the TV which was now just repeating the announcement again and again.

" _For the 75th hunger games, the third quarter quell, each distracts mentors will have to chose a male and female tribute to participate in the Games."_

"Finally heard the news did you," Haymitch snickered, throwing his head back to down more of the vodka that sloshed around in his glass.

"What are we going to do?" Peeta questioned, walking from his place behind me now to his seat across from Haymitch. Taking the liquor, he poured himself a glass and sat back staring at how the drink swirled in his glass.

"Do you plan on just standing there all night, Sweetheart." I glared at him, but he just smiled wider, opening his arms as if to present to me the space he had. The dirty room, or the innocent Peeta slowly downing his glass of vodka. I moved, though my legs felt heavy. Moving till I fell in the seat beside Peeta, who offered me a drink. Accepting, he poured the vodka staring only at my face. He must have seen the slight twitch in my eye because as the glass was about a quarter filled, he stopped pouring and put the bottle down.

"You never did answer Peeta's question Haymitch, what are we going to do?"

"We are going to do the only thing we know how to do, what Snow says. We are going to have to be more vigilant, see who has a chance in winning the games, or find someone who would not be missed if they disappear. The fate of the 12 is literally in our hands. So what I suggest is you both go home and do your research, pick two boys and two girls who you want to enter. From there we will try to come to common ground with the six boys and girls we selected. Got it." The way Haymitch said it was more of a demand then a request. But it was probably the best chance we had of picking people for the games.

As Peeta nodded his head, finishing off his glass of vodka, he rose to leave. Me, having not touched my vodka, got up as well. I was hoping for an opportunity to speak to him alone, before curfew and without Haymitch to watch us. Peeta looked at me, the blue in his eyes was clouding over now due to the liquor, but he was still sober enough to walk and talk without slurring his words. As we bid Haymitch goodnight, we heard a howl, a low growl come from the back of Haymitch's throat before his glass went flying into the wall behind the screen, pieces of glass installing themselves into the drywall as other pieces fell to the ground. But rather than comforting him we closed the door. We knew Haymitch needed time to mourn on his own, our presence may just make him more distraught.

As Peeta and I now walked down Haymitch's porch, I grabbed Peeta's hand. It was large and smooth and soft, unlike my hunting hands, but most importantly, it was warm.

"What is it?" Peeta seemed concerned, but the alcohol was finally starting to take its impact and if I didn't start speaking now, I may never get a chance.

"Would you stay with me, during the night I mean?" My voice shook, so much for trying to be calm. My eyes stared at our hands, which had now intertwined themselves.

"Of course." Peeta's voice was barely above a whisper. If I hadn't been standing so close to him I may have not heard him. I hadn't even realized I was standing that close to him, when had I stepped in? Had he stepped in? Had we both stepped in? I wasn't sure, but the nearness of him was becoming suffocating and if I didn't pull him behind me now, we may have never moved. Spending the entire night looking at one another, trying to figure the other person out.

As I dragged him along with me I made sure to be as quiet as possible, walking up into my room which was large and vast and had an almost eerie feeling. But Peeta didn't seem to think much of it. He throw off his shoes and crawled into my bed. The liquor in his head now taking what was left of him with it and he drifted off. I took this as my moment to shower and change quickly before sliding in next to him. When he felt the pressure of the bed move, he adjusted himself putting my head against his chest with his arm encircling me and we drifted into a calming sleep.


	2. A squirrel ransacked my bed

_Disclaimer: I still don't own these characters._

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

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' _We know what we are,_

 _But know not what we may be'_

 _William Shakespeare_

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When we had finally awoken, one look at the clocked told us that we were late. Usually, both of us would rise early, whether it was due to a lack of sleep brought on by nightmares, or just due to a force of habit brought on by my hunting nature and Peeta's baking. But today was seemingly different. As far as I am aware, neither Peeta nor I awoke from nightmares.

I had woken before Peeta, this was obvious due to the steady rise and fall of his chest against my ear. Enveloped in his warmth, I listened to his heart. The strong beats sounding almost like a song. Showing a boy who was healthy, happy even. But his eyes, his eyes they showed something entirely different when they were open. They showed his hurt, his thoughts, he tried so hard to conceal but his pupils deceived him. His jaw, when he was asleep looked soft. It was unclenched, which was rare, but his face still had a very charming shape. While he slept his lips had a soft smile. I longed to swipe my fingers against his lips, those smooth lips that were so cool almost like mint.

"Do you like what you see?" The question was startling, I hadn't even realized I was staring at Peeta until he spoke, his lips moving joyfully as he enunciated each word. My eyes flickered up from where they were admiring his lips so they would be level with his eyes. His eyes had the sparkle they were lacking last night, the smile on his face made the barely developed crows feet at his eyes wrinkle.

"What could you possibly mean?" I tried to play it off. Maybe he wouldn't have noticed where my eyes had been. Maybe he wouldn't think much of it. Oh I hoped.

"Oh you know, just woke up to a beautiful being staring at me with such a look in her grey eyes. I almost thought she would eat me alive." and with another smile Peeta finished "Literally." As I turned away from Peeta I couldn't control the smile that rose on my lips. Was I glad Peeta saw me? This was extremely out of character for me.

Rising from the bed I stretched out my limbs. Keeping my back to Peeta, and after I had completed my stretches I left the room without looking back to see if he had followed me.

It turns out he thought better of it. Instead he spread himself out along my whole queen sized bed and made himself comfortable. Humming a tone to himself as his eyelids hung loose and his lips formed a small smiles. Rolling my eyes I went downstairs to get a snack and make Peeta some tea. Although his face showed that he was not in the slightest bit hungover, I knew he probably was, that stuff Haymitch drank was strong.

"You look happy," my sister Prim commented as she scampered into the kitchen. Something told me that she had seen Peeta in my room, and she was probably curious as to why. Since the victory tour and after Peeta and I had been getting closer. But not this close, not close enough for me to invite him into my bed. Prim was asking about the sudden change, about what had happened between us.

"Oh just the usual, a squirrel ransacked my bed." Hoping to deflect any further questions from Prim, I tried to play it off as a joke.

"Wow, yeah that is a very large squirrel. It seems to me that he has also made himself quite comfortable." This was obvious due to the fact that Peeta had not come downstairs and by the sounds of it didn't plan to come down anytime soon.

When the tea pot began to whistle on the stove, I picked it up. Offering Prim a cup, which she declined, before pouring some for Peeta and myself. I then grabbed the plate of cookies from there place next to the oven and hurried upstairs to deliver my load to Peeta. When I walked into my room, Peeta was still in the same position I had left him in, but the tone he was singing now was familiar. It was the same song my father had taught to me all those years ago before the mines took him. _The hanging tree_ , the familiar chorus ran through my head but I instantly cut myself off. I couldn't be thinking like that. So instead I interrupted Peeta's idle humming with the clanking of china. He jumped slightly but then his eyes met mine and he relaxed again. It seems the games had taken a toll on the both of us. When the smell of tea wafted towards Peeta he sat up suddenly awake and ready for the day. Taking the cup from me he sipped it dry, relieving his enjoyment with a slight ahh.

I was about to say something when Peeta broke off the silence. "Katniss, how are we supposed to decide who gets picked. How are we supposed to turn against our own neighbors and friends and know that we are the ones responsible for their death, that there was nothing we could do to save them."

At that I cut Peeta off "We can save them, the two…" Catching myself I corrected what I had said. What was I thinking, the two of us, "Um, I mean the three of us. We made it out last year, and Haymitch was the winner of the last quarter quell, if you ask me, we have a pretty strong group of mentors here and with the right amount of training we could probably get some career worthy tributes as well."

"By the sounds of it, it almost looks as though you are trying to put Gale in the games." Gale, I had completely forgotten about him. He hadn't come to talk to me after the announcement and that may have been purposeful. If I didn't think about him, I didn't think about his family, and for one year his family would be safe. But Peeta was right, if there was anyone I thought who had a chance to win the games it would be Gale. He unfortunately was no longer of reaping age having turned 18 a little bit after the reaping for the games last year. The rest of his family were not the same. His two younger brothers had a fiery personality, but they had never touched a weapon in their life. His littlest sister was also still too little to be reaped.

"He would have the best chance." I stammered. Peeta gave me a look, one that told me he thought I was right but he wouldn't admit it.

"We need to start doing our research now. We have almost a month until the reaping and I would like to know who's life I'm ruining prior to ruining their life. If you asked me, I'd try to get somebody from the seam along with a merchant. To show people that we don't discriminate. But some of the people from the seam are not as talented as you Katniss, and this may prove to be a weakness." Although Peeta wasn't wrong, his words still stuck in me. Seam people were extremely untalented, that's what got them working in the mines in the first place.

"On the other hand, if we get a merchant, like the butchers kid, we could find that they may be handy with a knife and we might have a chance of saving someone." Peeta as always, was right. Our best chance as of right now was to pick a talented merchant. We needed someone strong who could do more them mine coal. Someone who knew their way around problems, but we also needed someone who would be well liked in the capital along as in the districts.

"Well I'm going to go get started, maybe I'll have some early luck." The tension in the room seemed to be electric. As Peeta stood from his position on my bed,he stepped over to me giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead before telling me bye and making his way out of my house. I kept my eyes closed as he left. The place on my forehead where his lips had been was tingling from the contact.

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 _Thanks for reading!_

 _I'll try to update weekly on Sunday and Tuesday if I can!_


	3. Words as a Weapon

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

 _Sorry for the late update, was going to update earlier but today has been quite a day :)_

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' _Words are, of course,_

 _The most powerful drugs used by_

 _Mankind'_

 _Rudyard Kipling_

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As I wandered around the square later that afternoon I didn't look up. Instead I stared steadily at the ground. I could hear the whispers all around me . People accusing me of murdering their children. I wondered if these were the things Peeta had heard earlier walking through the square, although I highly doubted it. Peeta had always been much more liked around the district and people didn't fear him, for he was sweet and innocent. But having known him in the games without the cameras I knew more. I knew that Peeta had a spark, a dangerous one, that if ignited would burn down the whole town. He would hide it though as not to come across as to strong or too demanding. He could pick any person he wanted, and as their names came out of his lips they would think themselves holy. Having been picked to stand next to a saint. But me, if I picked someone they would hiss at me as though I was the devil. Especially the merchants like Peeta's mother. His mother had never liked me. She looked to me as scum, something that belonged on the bottom of their boots. Maybe it was the fact that her husband had admired my mother and always will or the fact that in her eyes I was of seam filith. Having had a mother who was a merchant who later married a miner was almost unheard of and usually, those families would lose their social standings along with their businesses.

As I wandered randomly I finally found myself at the foot of the hob, or what is left of the hob. The ashes had already been carried away and in its place sat the souls of those who died there haunting. As I kicked the ruble under my feet I longed for someone's company, my mind instantly went to checking in on what Peeta is doing. But after our tense conversation this morning, I wasn't sure I wanted too. Gale on the other hand was buried deep under the earth digging away at the coal that dwelled there. I probably wouldn't see him till Sunday, meaning I had six days before I asked him about my dilemma. My only problem there is that Peeta and Haymitch were hoping to have their people picked before then so we could decide and get on to training as soon as possible. For once it seemed, I had to make this decision all on my own.

But the decision would not be tonight. After wandering aimlessly like a ghost around town, I felt exhausted hearing the whispers of people as I passed wasn't helping. So I found myself gliding towards victors village to my house where I could pass the time without a thought of whose life I was planning on destroying.

Before I could even make it into my house it seemed that Peeta was racing behind me. He was like a bullet although not fast, extremely forceful against my small frame and he slammed me right into my house keeping my body pinned between his and the house which left one side of my body excessively warm and the other side searching for heat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you" Peeta panted. Where had he run from I hadn't seen but it seemed as though he had been running for quite some time.

"What were you doing?" I asked curiously, Peeta gave me a kind of side eye, as though daring me to guess. "Oh let me guess, you were running yourself dry so that when you saw me you'd have a reason to come with me to sleep." A sly smile played on my lips mirroring his.

"No, actually I was just out talking to some possible tributes and I was curious if there would be any volunteers." That was a good question, but I knew it was a lie. I could see it in his eyes. His face was so close to mine. I could feel his breathing on my forehead reawakening the kiss he had given me this morning. He had clearly hoped to pin me here, where I had no escape, which also proved to the point of why he stayed unmoving.

To answer his question I shook my head. Suddenly we were once again inches away. His hard body trapping me into place as his jaw clenched and unclenched. Unfortunately we were interrupted by a not so happy looking Gale.

"I.. I thought you would be in the mines." I stammered still unmoving in my proximity to Peeta.

"Yeah they let us off early today. Says we are collecting an exceptional amount of coal and we deserve the time off." That was odd, rarely ever did miners have the day off. "Am I interrupting something?" Gale questioned his eyes moving from me to Peeta, who had still not moven. Taking that as a cue I lightly pushed Peeta off me. I could feel it in his muscles that he had not wanted to move, that he liked looking like the alpha in this situation, but right now was the not the time to be childish and discuss who was more masculine there was better time then that. " I just thought I'd come over and see how you were doing after the announcement. If you need any help finding people, some of the miners said they would try and help."

Before I could even open my mouth Peeta had already spoken, "No thank you. This is for the mentors to pick, I am pretty sure that we both are capable of finding our own fighters without the help of outsiders to interfere in our choices." If anyone other than Peeta had said that it may have came out as rude and standoffish but coming out of Peeta's mouth it sounded sweet. Like he was genuinely glad for Gale's help, but Gale was having none of that.

He quickly took a step towards Peeta squaring off his shoulders and standing at his full height. He was taller than Peeta, maybe a couple of inches but the look in Peeta's eyes said he was not intimidated. Gale growled "Well pretty boy, the good thing is I wasn't asking you, I was asking my best friend. So why don't you give her an opportunity to respond and stay out of her business." At that Gale took a step back and turned his attention back to me.

I looked between Gale and Peeta, shell shocked. I had never seen them fight before, not like that. It was usually via passive aggressive comments but this, this was entirely different.

"Thanks Gale, but I think Peeta is right, this is for the mentors to decide." At that Gale's eyes lit on fire, turning the color of ash before he said a quick see you and turned to be on his way. I wasn't sure why I had said that or why I had decided to agree with Peeta but a part of me knew it was the right choice. Turning my attention to Peeta I could see the anger in his eyes though his facial expression did not change. "Hey," I said bringing him back. "Come on, I bet you're tired from all that running let's get washed up so we could go to bed." I grabbed for his arm trying to pull him with me but he stayed rooted into place staring at the marks of Gale's boots along the run down dirt of victor's village.

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 _Hope you enjoy :)_

 _Feel free to ask me your questions and let me know what you think :)_


	4. What has gotten into me

_Disclaimer: Y'all know how it goes_

 _Wow sorry for the late update, I just really need to stop procrastinating everything and get my life together lol._

 _No but seriously_

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

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' _You wanted my attention_

 _But denied my affection'_

 _-Mumford and sons_

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"Why did you agree with me?" Peeta still hadn't looked up, but the clenching in his jaw showed that he was bracing himself for my answer.

"I thought you were right, we are mentors are we not?" I tried turning the question back at him hoping that he would see reason in what I was saying. He nodded his head yes but did not open his mouth to respond. "Peeta…" I said but before I could finish my sentence he had descended on me again. Once again pressing me between his body and the house, just a little tighter this time. The force of his movement though had knocked the breath right out of my lungs, and now against the wall with an emotionless Peeta staring back at me as I tried to catch her breath, to finish my sentence. "Peeta…" I whispered this time my breath tickling his neck but once again he had me locked. He brought his mouth down to mine. His soft, smooth lips brushing against my own in an almost light kiss. But that's not what I wanted, and I could tell that wasn't what he wanted either. He wanted to claim my lips as his and only his. Mark his territory for those who would try to get into his way.

As he pressed me harder into the wall, our lips battled against each other. Brawling for dominance. I could feel myself being over powered. Peeta was always more talented with his mouth then me. And at this moment I felt the hunger. Starting in the middle of my stomach and going outwards, radiating along my whole being buzzing with excitement at his touch. As his lips moved from mine to my jaw I couldn't help but think. Where did he learn this. I doubt I was the first person to be in this position. But something about the way he was moving told me I was the only one who mattered. Pulling his hair I brought his lips back up to mine for another kiss. One just as hungry as the last. Before I even had time to brace myself, Peeta was drawing away from me. His eyes still closed and his lips parted, although now they were chapped and swollen. I tried to pull him back to me but just as we almost collided he turned his face slightly so his lips were inline with my ear and with a husky voice he mentioned "We should probably go inside before I lose all self control."

Of course, me being the defensive one. I decided not to move. I stayed rooted to my place against the wall with my hands in Peeta's hair. And taunted him "What are you scared of?" This question got a beastial response from him. He slammed his body against mine again pushing me further against the wall "You princess, are the least of my worries." And with that he disentangled himself from me and turned around heading towards my house without a glance behind his shoulder.

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Staring at his retreating figure I couldn't help but feel as though he had just played me. Gotten what he wanted out of me and then abandoning me just like that. Much like I had done to him. He was playing the game, and right now he was at quite an advantage. He was testing me, testing my self control. Seeing if what I had said were lies. Doing it all without me even realizing it. I didn't give myself much time to dwell any further though because the snow had started to fall, and now without Peeta's body heat I felt cold and exposed. I ran into my house and up my stairs only to find Peeta wasn't there. Walking towards the bathroom down the hall I wasn't surprised to find he was in there. As I returned to my room I sat on my bed and awaited Peeta's return.

After maybe 15 minutes he returned, his hair dripping onto his white undershirt. His sleeping pants lay low on his hips. Anyone who would have seen him now would of found him ruggedly handsome including myself, but I would never admit it.

"See you've finally made it inside," he smirked at me.

"This is my house." I countered

"Yes of course, how could I have forgotten. It's not as though we are engaged or anything." Once again he smirked at me. I stood speechless. I had complete forgotten about that idea. That idea was all mine and I had forgotten about it. What has gotten into me?

"Oh I'm sorry darling would you like for me to make you dinner and give you a foot rub?"

"Now that's a good wife." Peeta laughed. "But I highly doubt you'd ever do that."

"You're right."

"Katniss, I'm always right."

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 _Ok so this chapter took a twist but who doesn't love a little fire?_

 _Am I right ;)_


	5. The Hunger in your Haunt

_Disclaimer: the characters I don't own aren't mine the others are_

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' _Damaged people are dangerous,_

 _They know they can survive.'_

 _-Joseph Hart_

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When the day of the announcement came around, I had already made plans in my head for how I would escape the situation if it didn't go as planned. _Run and hide,_ that would be my solution. The weather seemed to match our mood. It was dark and gloomy although it was almost four in the afternoon. The sun usually didn't set until five or six, but today looked like the exception. Walking to Bo's house, we didn't say a word to one another. Me and Haymitch looked at the ground while Peeta walked coolly in front of us. His head up, _Now that was the walk of a victor_ , I thought. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get my body to do it.

When we had finally reached Bo's house, Peeta took a step back. I heard him inhale, prepping himself for the bad news he was about to deliver. Knocking on the door we stood their silently, waiting to reveal the bad news.

"What do you brats… Oh. You're not who I thought you were. Please excuse my outburst. What brings the victors to my doorstep this evening." Bo was being polite. The most polite I had probably ever heard him. He leaned against the door frame in his usual school clothes, nothing fancy, just a plain black shirt and a pair of distric pants that resembled Peeta's sleep pants.

"Boride, would you mind if we spoke with you for one moment?' Peeta questioned.

"Is that not what you're doing now" Bo retorted. Peeta took this as his cue to go on.

"Quite a lovely house you have here. Tell me who all lives in this house with you." Bo gave him an odd look.

"Nothing compared to your houses I suppose. My mama and papa live her with me along with my younger sister bellatrix. She's about Prim's age." As he finished his sentence I could feel Bo's eyes on me. He knew why we were here. He now was trying to guilt trick me. To compare my family situation to his, and although we weren't all that different, I still felt no sorrow for him. Bo was destined to be a miner. He would be better off dead, and if he survived the games, there would be a string of capital and district lovers alike waiting at his door. Afterall, he was a very handsome boy.

"Bo, I know you know why we are here. You have been selected by the victors as the male tribute with the best chance of making it out of that Arena alive." There we go, Peeta once again had used his words to wow someone into doing exactly what it is that he wanted.  
Bo looked Awestruck, "Wow, you guys really believe I have the best chance?" Peeta nodded, and Haymitch and I followed. "I have to go tell ma, she'd be so excited, especially if I win." With that he slammed the door in our face leaving us all standing in the cold air surprised at what we had just heard.

"I'm not sure if that was sarcasm or if he is genuinely excited." I muttered. Peeta chuckled.

"Well whatever it was, he took it better than I expected.

The butcher's daughter however was a different story. When we showed up had her house, we made the mistake of not making sure she was armed before we spoke to her. When we delivered the news the swung her knife lodging it into the wood of the store right next to Peeta's ear. He however didn't seem to flinch. Her mother had to come in later as Oceane spelled out a number of curse words at us, calling us names and accusing us of murder. At the end of the night however she had finally broke down into tears. We had informed her that we would do everything in our ability to get her out, she politely thanked us before turning away. Leaving us to stare at the stairs she had disappeared up.

"Now that," Peeta said "Was the reaction I had been expecting."

"Well, at least you two got yourselves some fighters." Haymitch snickered.

"I…. I guess we will have to tell them about our training plans tomorrow since it is almost curfew." I said "And I don't know about the two of you, but I sure wouldn't want to be caught."

If someone was caught outside during curfew, they would be shot on spot. The new head peacekeeper Thread, had no patience for the people here. He didn't care if you were seam or merchant or victor. To him, we were all the same.

Right now however we were cutting it dangerously close, we had fifteen minutes to get home. The walk to victor's village would only take ten if we speed walked, but it was still a long walk and we were all exhausted, especially Peeta. He looked ten years older, his eyes looked sadder and he seemed to frown a little. That was odd for Peeta, usually I was the one frowning, Peeta was supposed to be the crowd pleaser.

Encouragingly i grabbed his hand interlacing our fingers and pulling him along with me. He followed obediently tripping every now and then thanks to his foot but otherwise we made it to my house just in time for the bell signaling curfew to go off.

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 _Hey guys sorry for the shorter chapters and the late update, I'll try to upload an extra long chapter Sunday to make up for the "suspense"._

 _Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed :)_


	6. And I Will Change My Ways

_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters._

 _Sorry it took like ten hundred years to upload._

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

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 _'The problem with love is_

 _you can love who you want,_

 _but so can they"_

 _-Unknown_

The next time I meet up with Gale was the Sunday after we announced to the tributes that they were going to be picked in the games. Now, sitting here with Gale, I could feel the silence weighing me down. I was starting to rethink my idea of meeting with him. When he showed up at my door this morning, there was no way I could say no. I was wanting to talk to Gale anyway, to see if he would help teach the tributes a little bit about snares. I hadn't told Peeta where I was going this morning when I left, but I had a feeling that he somehow already knew.

"What are you thinking about?" Gale questioned. We walked side by side on our regular path. The one that leads to his snares. My bow and arrows sat smugly on my back just in case we came across an animal. I didn't need the food, I had more of it than I could eat. Now I mostly just did it for the sake of Gale since he refused to take my money from winning the games.

"Nothing really, just enjoying the woods." Gale gave me a sideways glance. One that told me that he knew I was lying but he wasn't going to push the topic.

"How's Peeta?" He was asking out of politeness. The same way somebody would ask about your family. Since the interaction between the two, whenever they passed in town they would only exchange nods. At least that's all Peeta told me. I didn't go to town all that much, I didn't really have anything there now with the hob gone, but Peeta liked to go into town. He liked to visit the bakery. He said that often when he was closing up in the bakery, he would see Gale coming home from the mines, they would exchange a brief nod and continue on their way. Sometimes Peeta would offer Gale something from the bakery, but Gale would not take it.

"He's doing okay I guess. I don't really see him all that much anymore. He seems to be spending a lot of time at the bakery." At that Gale snorted. "Gale, why did you invite me on this trip?" this question caught him off guard.

"I just wanted to spend some time with my best friend, like how we used to do before we got reaped. Why did you agree to come."

"I had something to ask."

"Ask away"

"Would it be possible if you helped our tributes learn more about snares? I mean, I know how to build a couple, but I'm not like you." Gale scratched his chin. The slight shadow of a beard was starting to show, it was obvious that he shaved, probably in hopes to keep himself looking youthful.

"What's the catch?"

"What? Why does there always have to be a catch?"

"Because Katniss there is always a deeper meaning behind everything you do." His words hurt. He was saying that my motives were misunderstood. I was trying to use him to heighten my chances. Chances of what, survival?

"Gale, if you don't want to help us then don't. But don't sit here accusing me of playing the games." My voice sounded shrill in my ears. My lungs were burning with every breath. Here Gale was accusing me of being some sort of mastermind. Somebody who cares for nothing but myself.

"I'll help."

"We start next Sunday." I stomped my feet turning myself around and walked out of the woods. I was mad at Gale. What had gotten into him? As I abandoned my bow and arrows in a nearby tree, I ducked under the fence. The fence was supposed to be on 24/7 but nobody paid much mind to it. The idea of leaving the district for most was scary enough to keep them out.

As I made my way through the meadow, I walked into town, maybe I'd "accidently" run into Peeta while he trained our tributes. Today he was supposed to see their skills with a knife. I had never paid much mind to it, but now that I thought about Peeta had always been talented with a knife, it was almost like an extension of his arm, and the larger it was the better.

Of course, since I was already making my way through town, I stopped by the candy store and the apothecary, might as well get something we would need at home since I'm already stopping by. As I neared the end of town I finally spotted them. Peeta, Ocenne, and Bo all stood ready. For an attack, this must be a part of his training tactic.

As I got closer I saw Peeta lunge at Bo, his muscles moving under hit tight fitting shirt. Although Peeta wasn't as fast as me, he was much stronger meaning he had more leverage over Bo, who was tall and skinny and fast. Bo paired his first strike but then Peeta was able to kick his good leg up and push out Bo's knee causing him to lose his balance and collapse in front of Peeta.

"The goal," Peeta addressed them, "Is to never underestimate the other person's moves. Always be aware of how they are positioned and not only their knife." Offering Bo a hand he took it, Peeta gave him an encouraging pat on the back before turning his attention back to training.

It was odd to watch him interact with the two. Peeta was younger than Bo, but Bo still looked to him for advice and guidance. Oceane was the same age as us, I had seen her around school all my life, but she still looked scared and fragile. Like the nine-year-old I had met in the third grade. But when Peeta lunged at her she was ready, she paired his strike and watched his feet. When she had made some distance between the two she threw the knife. It made an imprint in the wall dangerously close to Peeta's head. But, he seemed unfazed. "Nice shot."

"Thanks."

As I finally got close enough for the three of them to see, Peeta gave me a charming smile, "Well look at that the huntress has returned. What did you bring back for us?" He was stepping closer to me, circling me, and then his hand shot into my game bag and pulled out the candy I had gotten from the store. Popping a mint into his mouth he threw the bag to Bo who grabbed a handful and threw it to Ocenne who blushed and grabbed a mint before handing it back to me.

"Haha very funny," I retorted, snatching the mints back and shoving them into my game bag. " How's training going?" Peeta gave me a smirk and stepped away back into his fighting stance.

"See for yourself." With that, he lunged at me. I was caught off guard. All I could hear was his knife hitting the floor and the force of his body on mine bringing me forcefully to the ground. Peeta lay above me his elbows in line with my head and a boyish grin on his face. He quickly hoisted himself up and offered me a hand which I did not except as I stood. "Not as fast as you once were Everdeen." Peeta joked.

"You dull my senses," I answered back.

"I'll take it as a compliment."

"I wouldn't if I were you." With that, I waved goodbye to Bo and Ocenne and finished my treck to Victors Village.

Unfortunately, when I reached my house Gale was leaning against the door waiting for me. He saw me before I had the opportunity to turn around and walk through the back door. "Katniss, wait up." Gale pushed off the wall so we were now face to face. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said this morning. About there having to be a catch."

I said nothing, there was nothing I wanted to say to him.

"Katniss, I know there is no catch. I know you are just trying to help people out. I was being irrational and rude and…" At this, I cut him off.

"Stop. You can't just accuse me of something like that and then show up later apologizing for it. You called me a liar. You've known me for years. Of course there's a catch. There always will be a catch Gale. That's how I made it this far. I cheated my way through. But, that does not give you the right to accuse me of something like that. Whether it agitated you or not."

"Katniss," Gale breathed. "Please understand, I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that right?"

"These days I'm not so sure." I went to take a step back away from Gale, to move past him so I could get into my house, but he had grabbed me by the shoulders. Before I knew it, he had smashed my lips to his in a chaste kiss. One that was too messy to be enjoyable for either of us. I tried to push him away but he was stronger and larger than me. He was pulling me closer and my body was going into fight or flight mode. My hands were on his chest, then his shoulders trying to force him away from me. It wasn't until he came up to breath that I was finally able to push him off me. Slamming into the side of my house, I tried to put as much distance between myself and Gale. The look in his eyes was scaring me. It was a look of anger and frustration. But I couldn't concentrate on that look because behind him stood a dumbfound Peeta. His mouth was gaping open, his face in shock.

As our eyes met up, I tried to apologize without opening my mouth, tried to tell him my story, but he shakes his head and turned away. He was walking back towards town, back towards the bakery. A place where my image had not yet tainted, where he could sit in peace and decipher what it was he had just seen. I watched him go, but I couldn't open my mouth to stop him. When he had finally gone out of sight, my attention was brought back to Gale. Gale's eyes were on fire. Sparked by the resistance he had met when trying to kiss me.

"Why did you do that?" My hands were up in a pose that would help defend myself if he tried to do anything again.

"I thought… I thought you were my friend?"

"That's a bad excuse."

"You kiss me when I'm in pain, I thought you would kiss me now."

"Gale, forcing someone to kiss you does not make you friends. I kiss you when you're in pain to offer comfort, to assure you that I am here. But kissing you here, I saw everything that was wrong with that idea. Gale, you are probably one of my closest friends, but this thing between us, it needs to stop. I have a role to accomplish, and if you can't play the game, that's your problem."

"You're still playing the game? Why, Katniss? You won."

"The game never ends. You never escape the arena Gale." And with that, I turned my back to him and ran into my house.

* * *

 _So im really behind with everything and my schedule is becoming screwed up so I'll try to update this week while I'm on break!_

 _Hope you enjoyed_


	7. You Know I Can't

_Disclaimer: Once again ownership is not mine._

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

' _There are plenty of ways to die,_

 _but only love can kill you and_

 _keep you alive to feel it.'_

 _-Leo Christopher_

* * *

That night, Peeta didn't come to my house. He didn't even walk through the gates of Victor's Village. I sat by my window till curfew, hoping he would come by, hoping he would walk into his house, or mine. That he would have forgotten what he had seen or had thought differently, but he didn't. The fact that he did not return to Victor's Village meant one of two things, either he was at the bakery, or he was somewhere else with someone else trying to forget me. I prayed that it was the first. I couldn't take the second idea, the idea of him staying with another person, another girl.

I had to stop thinking about this. I needed sleep because tomorrow would be my turn with Bo and Ocenne and I couldn't let them down. I sunk into my queen size bed, which now felt overly large without Peeta's body next to me, and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

I was running. Running through the woods, through the arena, through the rubble. A mutt was chasing me, one that took on the face of past tributes and victors alike. But one face lasted longer than the others, Peeta's. He had a vicious smirk on his face and was chasing me. His body which had taken on the shape of a mutt was transforming. His paws were turning human like, his mechanical leg was there and so were his hands and he was running swiftly behind me, calling my name.

"Katniss…" I was being rocked back and forth and it wasn't until my eyes shot open did I realize I was just stuck in a nightmare. Peeta stood above me, his curls damp. His hands pinned my shoulders down preventing me from snapping a hit at him when I finally woke up. "Katniss, it's okay. It was just a nightmare." His voice was urgent pleading. He was begging me to believe him. But my mind had gone into overdrive. This couldn't be real. Peeta wouldn't sneak out after curfew, he would have been shot on spot.

The scream that escaped my throat seemed to shock us both. The hands that were covering my shoulders were now over my mouth, keeping me from disturbing the people of the house, or sending a peacekeeper here to look for the cause of the noise.

"Shhhh, Katniss it's me, it's really me. Peeta." Still stuck in a state of shock, I bit his hand that covered my mouth. "Ouch," He took his hand off of my mouth and cradled it in his other. "What the hell was that for?"

"I thought you were a part of my dream."

"Well then, I hope that clarified some things for you," Peeta grumbled still holding the hand I had bitten.

"It did thank you," I giggled a little. "I didn't even bite you that hard stop acting like a baby."

"Me never," He winked at me. "It might feel better with a kiss though." He smirked at me and I saw the same face reflected back at me.

"You just woke me up. Maybe if you get lucky I'll give you a kiss." With that, I flopped on my side away from him and closed my eyes. I heard him groan behind me, then mumble something along the lines of me being the death of him. But I could hear him taking off his jacket and unlacing his shoes. I felt the bed shift underneath me and I felt the warmth of somebody next to me. Peeta had laid down next to me. His shoulder pressing into my back. With his presence nearby, I finally slept peacefully through the night.

* * *

Walking into town, the air outside was chilly. It wasn't cold, but it had a sting every time you exited the warmth of a building. I walked this journey alone. When I had gotten out of bed this morning Peeta was still sleeping. I had left him a note, asking him to meet up with me after my training with Bo and Ocenne, we had to talk about what he saw. I was dreading this chat, but hopefully, Peeta would understand.

When I got to the training ground just outside of the meadow, I noticed that two people were already there, a boy and a girl, Bo and Ocenne. As I got closer though I noticed that the girl was Ocenne but the boy was somebody else, somebody from the seam. I didn't recognize him, he might have been a neighbor or something from the seam. As I snuck behind the single tree located nearby, I saw the boy lean in close. I saw the twinkle in his eyes. His eyes were blue, much like Peeta's, but his hair was dark. Who is this kid? As he leaning in closer their lips met and I looked away, it felt like I was intruding on their privacy.

"Katniss, I know you're there." Ocenne's voice rang out from the other side of the tree. Stepping out I poisoned myself. Steeling my emotions. Hopefully, she wouldn't think that I was purposefully spying or eavesdropping.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I don't know, guess I could just feel it."

"Well, I guess that will help you out during the games." I cracked a smile at her, one which she returned. I saw her go to open her mouth, but Bo had interrupted her.

"Everdeen, Bell." He gave a slight nod to us in greeting. "What is it now, are the two of you having secret conversations now?"

"Don't be stupid Bo," Ocenne covered, "We just got her. We were just talking about my secret talent of feeling people nearby."

"Secret talent you say. Well, I have a secret talent too," With that, he flashed us a charming smile, "It's called my good looks. I'll be a hit with the sponsors. Right Katniss?"

"Well, they won't hurt. But during the games, people aren't going to spare you in the arena, even if you are the Finnick Odair of district twelve." Everybody knows Finnick, he was the youngest winner of all time. Having won the games at 14, he was now one of the largest sex symbols of the country. People would pay lots of money for just a couple of minutes with him. Not only did he have good looks on his side, he also is excellent with a trident. It's almost like an extension of his arm. This wasn't to say that Bo wasn't talented, he had the physical strength and the aggression needed, but sometimes hand to hand combat was hard to come along.

Today training with me we were going to work on archery, and edible plants. Before I had come into the meadow when I had first woken I had gone into the woods to grab bow and arrows. Despite the two of them having to be in school, we thought better of it. If they enter the games they will either return a corpse or a victor. Neither of those options required continuing your education. Instead, we found it would be a better use of their time if we trained during the day, when everyone was off the streets, rather than after.

"Okay guys, if you didn't already guess, we will be practicing with my bow and arrows, we will also be reviewing edible and poisonous plants." The words sounded robotic on my tongue, but it was the best I could do today with them after everything that had happened last night.

"Just watch what I do and do it. I'll correct you if necessary." Getting into my position, I kept an eye on the two. They seemed to be following along really well. I then grabbed for an arrow, found my target and let the arrow go. It hit straight in the center, Bullseye, of the tree trunk. Bo and Ocenne stood shocked.

"Dang Everdeen, I knew you were good with a bow, but not that good."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Ocenne you go first." Passing off my bow to here I directed her through the steps. First letting her get into position, giving her my corrections, then letting her pull out and arrow, sling it, and let it go. The arrow landed on the tree but ways off of bullseye. She had aimed too high, having over-corrected too much for the force of gravity. "Not bad, with some practice, we could get you closer to the target. Bo your turn." Bo stepped up, he looked confident. Flashing a charming smile at us before reaching for the bow and arrows. He repeated the same things as Ocenne, but with fewer corrections. When he fired the arrow, he had nailed an impressive shot. The arrow lodged into the bark just a little to the right of the bullseye. This was good counting that I had made the bullseye about the size of someone's eye.

"Your praise is not necessary," Bo remarked before I could, "I've seen you and Gale shoot a couple of times." This was odd to hear. Gale and Bo weren't friends, at least I didn't think they were. But thinking of the two now, they were more alike then they were different.

Still in shock, I responded, "Well I guess that's enough bow training for today, although you guys could take turns switching off with the bow on your own times to get better. Let's move on to plants." Plants, that was a safe topic, I didn't have any bad connections to plants. If anything talking about them made me feel closer to my father. Pulling the plant book my father had started out of my bag, I took turns training the two. While one person was with me telling me which plants were toxic and which were not, the other person was with the bow, firing at the tree seeing if they could fix their prior mistakes. When I felt that they were bored of training, I took them back to my house to grab a bite to eat. Opening the door, the smell of fresh bread and squirrel wafted over me.

"Oh you're home, we still have to talk about that…" Peeta cut himself off as he walked into my view, "We have visitors."

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before,we just finished everything we had to do so I thought I'd bring them back for a little treat."

"Of course! Bo, Ocenne, please come sit. The food is almost ready." As Peeta gestured them into the living room, he grabbed my hand and swiftly pulled me into the kitchen behind him.

"Please don't be mad."

"Katniss, I'm not mad. At least not about this. We still have to talk about last night, though." Peeta's voice was rough, low and husky. He was trying to keep the others from hearing. I took that as my opportunity to play my cards.

Stepping just and inch closer I said, "I don't possibly know what you mean." Peeta rolled his eyes at me and took a step back.

"Of course not." With that, he turned his back to me and continued to work on the food. I took this as my sign to leave. Bring three glasses of water with me as a cane to the living room where Bo and Ocenne sat.

"So we have been thinking, and we want to put you both on a new diet plan. If you're going to train like careers might as well eat like them too." The two nodded in response, " We also have the hunger games of other Quarter Quell tributes, we think you should watch them and a few others. You might learn some tricks from them.

"The food is ready," Peeta's voice rang out from inside the kitchen. Walking into the kitchen, Bo and Ocenne's eyes doubled in size, the probably had never seen that much food before. "Now, I know you are all probably going to want to scarf it all down, but when you get on the train, your escort Effie is going to tell you a thing or two about manners. When sitting we don't eat with our hands," Peeta was looking directly at me, " And we only put on our plates what we can eat." I glanced down his stare was playful but if I held it any longer, I was guaranteed to look like a tomato.

Bo, whose mouth was already half full, spoke first, "Why would manners matter that much in the games? They're going to be starving us anyway."

Peeta just looked at him, "Well Bo, for starters, they are going to be stuffing you before the games. Meaning you will be eating in front of the other tributes. Eat politely and you'll be more likely to form and allies."

At Peeta's words, I wanted to make a million comments. "Peeta, you have such a weakness for beautiful things, they could lure you into the Capital and you'd be lost forever." That got a good laugh from the people around me.

"Having an eye for beauty isn't always a weakness. Except, when it comes to you." I was blushing now, Bo and Ocenne were staring at the two of us now. They could probably sense that something was off, our energy was all off.

When we had finally finished eating, we had Bo and Ocenne take the extra food to their families. Standing at the door ,waving goodbye, I could feel Peeta's breath at my ear. "Katniss, we still need to talk about the other night." Sighing I turned to face him.

"Ask away."

"I want to hear your side of the story."

"My side? Well…" I thought back to last night, I had tried so hard to push what happened out of my head, that I had almost forgotten the events. "Well, in the morning Gale and I had gone to the woods. I asked him if he would help me teach the tributes snares and he agreed. He then proceeded to ask me for a catch." As I spoke I put air quotes up to help emphasize my meaning. " I took this as meaning he thought I was a liar or a player, so I stormed out of the woods. Then I saw you and everything was going well until I returned home and Gale was waiting. He then kissed me, and I pushed back. I told him friends do not kiss each other. And also that I was still playing the game."

Peeta sat silent. Intently listening to my story. "What game are you still playing?"

"The same one as you, the tribute game, the victor game."

"Now my question is why did it take so long to push Gale off you while you kissed?"

"Peeta, Gale is a big guy. He's taller than you and a little more forceful. If he wants something he's going to get it. No matter the cost."

"Would you have still pushed him off if it was me there instead of Gale?" Peeta's voice was low, his face was close to mine.

Raising my chin to appear above it all, I said, " If you had acted the way Gale had acted, then yes, without hesitation."

Peeta took a step closer, "What about now Katniss, what do you want to do with me here?" His question was brutal but the feel of his breath on my face was distracting me and I was starting to lean in. Just as our lips should have met though Peeta took a step away from me, causing me to crash directly into the wall. He let out a low laugh. "Katniss, I'm still mad at you. I need some time to process what you said." And with that, he left the house.

I stayed rooted in place, hurt. Not only emotionally but physically. I was agitated that Peeta had not kissed me back, and I was hurt that he had said he was still mad at me. Not only that but my shoulder had also banged into the wall as I fell. Rubbing at it, I ran out the door. Peeta may have won this argument but he wasn't going to win the next one.


	8. I Don't Know How to Forget You

_Disclaimer: You guys know how it goes_

 _Hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

 _"And I think the first sign you notice_

 _when you begin to gain feelings_

 _towards a person, is how easily_

 _you get jealous when they give others_

 _the attention which you crave."_

 _-Unknown_

* * *

Running down the road towards the town, the icy air burnt my cheeks. In my urgency to catch up to Peeta, I had not stopped to grab a jacket. Now I was running behind him to stop him in a thin lacey sweater and jeans. Clothes I had acquired from the capitol, but they will build more for fashion than warmth. The only part of me that wasn't cold was my feet. They sat snug in my hunting boots lined with fuzzy socks which appeared to be the only thing the capital had actually done for humanity. I was starting to lose breath though from running after Peeta. He was naturally much larger than me. His strides were longer, and even with his artificial leg, the head start he had gotten had still kept him quite a distance in front of me.

Peeta was moving with such a purpose, his shoulders pushed back and his chin high. His hands kept fisting at his sides. He had such an air to him at this moment as he walked. An air that screamed Victor, one that told a story of how he had helped a starving twelve-year-old once, how he'd went into the games and returned a better person. But, it also told of a broken love story. Of a heart that deserved so much more, but excepted so little, his very own form of self-deprecation. His own form of suicide.

If you asked me, that was the worst form of suicide. It hurt you and kept you alive time and time again to feel it, in case it didn't hurt enough the first time. Just this idea seemed to give me a sudden burst of energy. Suddenly, I was the hunter again. Swift and quiet on my feet as I bolted on after him. As I got closer to him, close enough to reach out and touch his hand, he picked up his pace. He was now moving at a jog and I was huffing to catch up to him. He was turning corners, swiftly. I was following him, though not as smoothly. I didn't recognize the path he was taking. As He stopped to catch his breath near a corner, I once again caught up to him. This time, I reached out for his shoulder, his eyes met mine and then he ran. He ran full speed ahead. He ran me all through town. We must have looked ridiculous. Two teenagers running through town. Me trying to catch up to Peeta.

Before I knew it though we were once again rounding a corner. We were in the alley behind the bakery. The one I used to visit, to trade some of my daily catch with Mr. Mellark. Now the door seemed deserted. I hadn't realized that Peeta had stopped running until I ran into his back. I was too busy remembering the memories that this door carried with it. Peeta let out a huff of air as I collided into his back. His muscles that spidered all around his back felt rigid. "Why are you running from me?" I asked distressed.

"Why are you chasing me?"

"I asked you first. I told you my side of the story what else do you want?" Hearing those words slip out of my lips, I knew they were the wrong thing to have said. Peeta's eyes lit up, but not with a fire of love, but one of pure rage. His energy felt fiery, standing this close to him, the fire that had sparked in his eyes looked like it was going to eat me alive.

He let out a low growl his jaw clenching. But, his eyes never left mine, even as he turned himself to face me and when he lowered his head slightly so he could be closer to my level. "Don't tell me that you don't kiss friends. What are all those other kisses you shared with Gale? Acts of alliance? Come on Katniss, I'm not that stupid."

This agitated me, and now I was pointing an accusing finger at him, "Don't you dare make yourself the victim here. Like you've never kissed a girl other than me. Peeta, I'm not stupid either, I saw how the other girls looked at you in school. Even now as a victor, they are trying to devour you with their eyes. And I see the way you change, how you put on a charming face when you hear the girls giggle about you. I hear them speak of how they can't wait for Peeta Mellark to get his head out of the clouds. To see straight," I took a deep breath before continuing. "I hear how they want to be the girls you take home, the ones you speak I love you's as well, and I can't help but be jealous. You are so liked, so wanted here among the people of twelve. You can move people to action with a couple of words and a smile. Me, I can barely get Buttercup out of my bed with that tactic." I looked down now unable to hold his gaze any longer, tears had begun to sting my eyes. "And I can't help but hear the girls and think of how jealous I am of them. Of their simple lives, of the charming smile you share with them. And I can't help but think. If only I was as shallow as those girls. You would have the life you deserve." Swallowing thickly I turn my back to him, "I'm not sure those were the words you wanted to hear, but they are the ones you did." And with that, the tears came falling.

Peeta instantly grabbed my wrist trapping me there with my back to him and the tear running uncontrollably over my face. "Katniss, don't be jealous of me. Nobody could compete with you. You're a leader. You move people into action using your actions. Sure words can be useful, but in the face of danger words will do us nothing." His voice was soft again, and that made my tears stream harder, " I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't mean to hurt you." The hand that was on my wrist had snaked its way up my arm, it was now resting on my shoulder. "I never knew you paid attention to how the other girls looked at me. But I watched how the boys looked at you. They wanted to get the hunter under their sheets, to let her wild side out. But you, you are just so great in that way. You take only what you want. You don't take anyone's crap and you sure are good at intimidating people." His body was close to mine, his breath close to my neck. "I'll have to admit I was one of those boys. It's actually a wonder nobody has taken you to the slag heap."

"A couple have tried."

"Really?"

"No." I blushed and looked down. The tears had stopped about midway through his speech and now with him standing this close to me, I felt like I was suffocating. He was stealing the air from me. And I was letting him. He placed a gentle kiss on the place that his lips rested near my neck.

"For anything it's worth," He breathed, "I would beat up anybody who tries. Although, I have a feeling you could do it all on your own." His breath felt warm on my neck. It sent a shiver up my spine. "Right now Katniss, I have to go help out in the bakery, but we can talk more when I come hope tonight." It was a bad excuse, but at least it held the hopes of him coming later. "Oh also, Madge came by this morning while you were out. She wants to hang out. Apparently, she has some news for you." My back was still to him as he leaned in and once again kissed the place close to his lips on my neck. And then he was gone.

Line Break

Madge's home smelled of flowers. Not the ones that constantly haunted my nightmares, but of the kinds I associated with comfort; the kind that one could find in the woods. I hadn't thought much of it at first when I entered her house, but the closer we got to her room, the more overwhelming the smell became.

"Why does your house smell like the woods?" I looked around confused, now in her room, the smell was reaching the point of intoxicating. How did she live with this smell?

"The smell is kind of overwhelming at first, I know. But, you'll get used to it." I had finally located the place of the flowers when she stood and grabbed one from the vase. They were scented Primroses, the kind that could only be found near the lake my father had taken me to so long ago.

"Who brought you those?" My voice sounded oddly defensive. Maybe she bought them, but even then, someone had to have brought them from the woods. She looked up from the flowers, a rosy blush littering her face.

"That's actually the reason I wanted to hang out. I have some things to ask you." He voice faltered towards the end as she lowered her head again so she was not playing with the flower in her hand.

"Shoot."

She looked nervous, jittery almost. She looked around, her eyes darting, "How are you and Peeta?" She was trying to avoid the real question we wanted to ask. I could see it in the dart of her eyes or the way they wouldn't hold my gaze.

Narrowing my eyes, I responded, "We've been better." She wasn't really listening to me, I could tell by the way she responded. Rushing the question over, not asking why it was that I responded the way I did.

"How long had you and Gale bean friends?" There it was the question I was dreading. I had been trying to avoid anything that had to do with Gale since the incident. But, her question was odd to me.

"Since I was 11. Why?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Why?" I repeated myself again, she was trying to avoid the overarching question, but by the sudden downturn of her lips when I told her I was 11 when I met Gale was quite noticeable.

"He stopped by my house yesterday. Brought some strawberries and these flowers. You weren't with him though which was rare. He then proceeded to ask if I would like to come with him to the woods on Sunday. Said you would be there, that we could have a little picnic."

My mouth fell open, if anyone had seen me at that moment, they might have mistaken me for a fish out of the water. My mouth gaping open trying to find the oxygen I needed to survive. Since when had Madge and Gale been friends?

Forcing my mouth closed I set my jaw. "Gale didn't tell me about this plan. Even if he had, I have to train with the tributes on Sunday and so does he." I didn't mean for it to sound defensive, it was just that Gale had already done so many things to be on our bad side. I'm afraid that if he did one more, it would be one too many and he might not ever be able to recover.

"Oh, he told me that you'd be free after the training with the tributes and we would go then. He even invited me to come with him to the tributes training, and as a matter of fact, I said yes." She raised her chin up, daring me to respond. But all I could stutter out was an OK. I wasn't going to fight with one of my only friends on something so silly as Gale. I had better things to be worrying about, like the upcoming games which seemed to be coming faster and faster. Plus, for some reason, it didn't seem to upset me that he was planning on bringing Madge to a place that was so personal. I know he'd asked her to make me jealous. He was planning on me just going to the woods and see the two of them together. Unfortunately, Madge shot that idea down. Who knows maybe I'll bring Peeta too, we can all just act surprised to see one another. But then everything Peeta had said earlier had come back into my head, I wasn't going to compete with Gale. I wasn't going to stoop to that level of jealousy.

"Sorry Madge, I don't think I'll be able and come to the woods with you guys next Sunday, Peeta and I, we um, we have plans." It was a bad excuse she could probably easily see past it but the look in her eyes showed that she was glad to hear I wouldn't be tagging along.

"Ah Katniss, that's unfortunate. Anyway, dinners going to be ready anytime soon." She looked at me with her blue eyes, "You wanna stay for dinner."

I shook my head, I wanted to return home and take a bath. Not to mention, I was also extremely exhausted from chasing Peeta around town. Saying goodbye to Madge, I walked out of my house and all the way to Victors Village, to see probably the biggest surprise of my life.


	9. Coward

_Disclaimer: Not my characters_

* * *

 _"She tied you to a kitchen chair._

 _She broke your throne, and cut your hair,_

 _and from your lips, she drew a_

 _Hallelujia."_

 _-Jeff Buckley (Hallelujia)_

* * *

It wouldn't have been better if I stayed in town with Madge, my guest wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. This was obvious due to the fact that a fourth house in Victor's Village was lit. The people I met outside my house quickly blocked my door and made sure I got as little information as possible.

Now sitting across from President Snow's white rose sticking from his lapel, the room that should have felt comfortable now felt stuffy. His head was down, face stuffed in a book. Peeta stood against the opposite wall, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and his face skimming over the expanse of books that littered the wall. His face had a look of displeasure, almost as though every book that sat on the shelf was a book about our hunger games. But, I wouldn't be surprised if the books there had something to do with the games. I walked up next to him, standing one my tip toes so I could see over his shoulder at what book was giving him such a hard time. The World As We Know It. One of the many banned books that told of something before the games. Peeta's hand was darting out to grab for the book, but before he got the chance Snow cut him off.

"Now now Peeta, you know that is a banned book." Peeta's hand lowered but he kept eyeing the book. He was going to get a hold of it somehow. "Katniss, so nice of you to finally have joined us, did you have fun at the Mayor's house?" I had almost forgotten about the cameras that hid everywhere in twelve, especially near the Mayor's house. My voice, however, was still caught in my throat. The smell of the roses was intoxicating the room. The most I could do was confirm with a slight nod. Snow gave me a cold look, "Now a bet the two of you are very excited for the upcoming games," He paused, daring one of us to speak, " I just wanted to be the first person to let you know about how this mentoring thing tends to go." Reaching into his breast pocket, he pulled out two silvery envelopes, much like the ones that held the announcement for the quell. "When the two of you get the chance, I advise you read this. Please do understand my reasoning." He waved the envelopes at us, I was moving forward before I even knew it. My hand closed against the envelope and I turned back to look at Peeta, He was still unmoving, but the place where the book had been was now replaced by air. He had used the cover I had given him to grab the book. "You two may leave now if you wish."

I turned my back to Snow, unsure as to why we wouldn't wish to leave. Grabbing for Peeta's hand which was now tightly braced around the letter, I pulled him out after me. Nodding to the guards that stood outside, I dragged Peeta behind me. We needed somewhere secluded that we could talk, somewhere without audio or cameras to watch us. I had a feeling that whatever is in this letter is probably not something that we want to be shared all around the nation. The only place that came to my mind though was the woods, Peeta had never been through the woods, and our safest bet was to go as it started to get dark. This would allow Peeta to make as much noise as possible as well as not being seen. We could bring blankets and camp our in the small woods next to my lake. The only thing was, was I really ready to share my lake with Peeta? I hoped so because it's now or never.

Still pulling Peeta behind me I hurried into my house, pulling it into the bathroom. Turning on the sink and shower, I started to speak. I told Peeta of my plans and he nodded, biting his lip. "Katniss, the only problem with that is, what if Snow comes looking at us and he doesn't find us?" This was a good question, something I had overlooked.

"He won't."

"How do you know?"

"I just know, he won't look for us. He wants us to absorb the letters he gave us. All we need is some time, we will be back before anyone even realizes that we were gone." I tried to give Peeta and encouraging smile but he was still giving me a quizzical look. With a sigh, he agreed and told me he was going to go pack a backpack with some things that we may need. I took this opportunity to step into the shower. Scrubbing off the smell of the roses. I scrubbed my skin raw, trying to clean all of the blood that tainted my skin. When Peeta and I met up again, we had an hour till curfew, it was already getting dark out and if we left now we could probably still make it to the meadow on time, but then we would have to sneak. Two hours later I was guiding him through the dark, listening for the buzz of the fence, I heard nothing. Shimming under, Peeta followed, he was trying to be as silent as possible, but his artificial leg did not appear to help him. His face was contracted into a look of pain, I almost stopped to ask him what was wrong, but the look on his face had changed. Now he had a look of happy surprise, I hadn't even thought about the trek to the lake, I was too busy worrying about Peeta. The lake looked dull compared to how it often looked, but the look on Peeta's face said otherwise.

Snorting I shoved back him into the house. The small broom I had used since I was a child sat against a wall. Picking it up, I swept the part on the floor I planned to put the blankets down. "Wow, Katniss Everdeen, the housewife." Peeta's voice rang out joyously behind me.

I tried my hardest to play along, "Well Mr. Mellark, a good housewife is what you want? Well, then a good housewife you will get." Peeta let out another small laugh. He helped me clean the floor and start a fire in the fireplace. Placing down our sleeping bags, I pulled out the silver envelopes. They didn't have our names on them or anything that would say they were different, but I still wasn't sure. Handing one to Peeta, I ripped mine open, I was never very graceful with things like this, and at this moment, the last thing I cared about was the silvery capital envelope. It felt heavy in my hands, almost as though my whole life was held on the letter.

 _Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mellark,_

Looking a the letter, I had almost forgotten that Peeta and I were technically engaged, soon to be married.

 _I hope you are having a nice day. Due to your winnings of the games, you have become quite possibly the most famous Victors of all time. Not only in your districts, but also here in the Capital. People are willing to pay a lot for your excellent company. Unfortunately, people do not want to break up the so-called Star Crossed Lovers. We could sell you together, but that would not be ideal. Instead, I propose that you come and live in the Capitol until the games have started. We will hold interviews and parties, and the people of the Capital will get to spend time with the two of you. Haymitch will take over your mentoring duties until the tributes are brought to the Capital for the Games. You will do interviews and whatever else is asked of you. In return, your families will not be harmed. I sincerely hope you consider what I have said, even if only for the sake of your families._

 _President Snow._

I looked at Peeta, his eyebrows were pulled together as he read the note. His eyes skimming the paper, reading and rereading the lines that he couldn't seem to get past. Though the note had come as a shock, I was not surprised to see what they had said. Mostly everyone knew that desirable victors were sold when they reached 16. Those who didn't comply would lose something important to them, but this never truly stopped Snow from selling them. I heard that's what happened to Johanna Mason, in a whispered hush during her victory tour. She refused to agree to Snow's terms, and when she came back from the tour everyone she loved was dead. Not only that but the highest bidder was also seated on her porch. They say now that she puts all of her anger and rage into sexual experiences, and I guess that's one way to let it out.

Thank goodness at least Peeta made it out with me. If all doesn't go well, at least I will have one person who understands. But looking at the note, I know what we need to do. We can not deny Snow's wishes, so we will tell him that we agree, and he will tell us what we must do and we will listen. We will be his puppets, at least until the games.

* * *

 _So it looks like I'm just going to be randomly updating for now until finals are done!_

 _Wish me luck :)_


	10. Revisit

_Disclaimer: I don't own them_

* * *

 _'Draw a monster._

 _Why is it a monster?'_

 _-Janice Lee_

* * *

By the time I had found my voice, I had read the note at least 12 times. Reading and rereading it, to make sure I hadn't missed a single word. "What now," Peeta's voice sounded hollow against the walls of the cabin. What jokes we had shared before were long forgotten.

"I… I don't know," My voice held the hint of a crack, "I guess we agree to what he is saying." Peeta's blue eyes finally met mine. They were much bluer than usual. It looked like the color that people in the capital aspired to be this year. After our victory in the games, my mockingjay pin and Peeta's blue eyes became a huge trend in the capital, and everyone wanted to be a part of it in some way. Though his eyes did hold a hint of sadness, there was something else in there. Pure rage. Rage for Snow, the Capital and the games, If looks could kill, anybody who saw Peeta's face at this moment would be dead. I'm not sure the expression on my face matched his though. I felt mad and rageful, but I also felt sorrowful. Everything that we had started to work for was going to be destroyed. But I was willing to risk it all if it meant keeping my family and Peeta's alive, even if that meant sacrificing my happiness.

It's not like it would be terrible to spend more time with Peeta, it would actually be amazing. We had grown so much closer, although we still had our fights, and the closest we came to actual kisses was the kisses on the neck he gave me while apologizing, after he saw Gale kiss me. It was the capital that was going to ruin our relationship. The Capital never meant anything good for anybody; Peeta and I included. In the Capital, we were made to look like dolls, the perfect role models for the districts. Two young strong attractive people had won the games, and the capital wanted a piece of that.

I hadn't even realized I had started to shive until Peeta pulled me close to him. Wrapping his arms around me and the blanket around the both of us. Though I had stopped shivering, I was left shaking, not from the cold, just from the shock of the whole thing. Peeta however felt steady, his heart beat at a steady rate and his hands which lay on my arm, stroked up and down smoothly. His touch was burning me, but I had no words. My brain was going into overdrive. I guess I should have expected that my brain would go into overdrive as the realization hit me. The Capital, I didn't want to go to the Capital, that was, if anything, the last place on this planet I would want to be.

"Katniss, I know you're upset, but we have no choice. Ever since the games, our life was never ours. We still could do it you know, be happy. We just need to find what brings us to life, even in the Capital." I guess his words were supposed to be soothing, but the thought of finding something I could enjoy doing in the Capital until the games seemed like a terrible idea. The last thing I would want to do is go sightseeing in the Capital.

"I know, I know…. I… I just didn't think that we would be forced there so soon."

"It's a our victory year, everyone is going to be celebrating us. Our wedding, our…." His voice stopped there. I wanted him to continue, but a part of me knew where this was going. He was going to say family. _Our family._ A family I did not want, and still do not want. Not with all the things going on in the world. "We can let Snow know our decision tomorrow," He was staring wistfully outside, at the darkness that swirled all around us. "But in the meantime, we need to make a plan for our tributes. I refuse to let them feel as though we let them down."

Our tributes, in the frustration of the moment, I forgot about the two people whose lives I held in the palm of my hand. The two people who the victors had to decide on. They will think that we let them down. It's not that Haymitch won't be any help, it is just the training schedule, we need someone to maintain it and it can't be Haymitch.

My first thought is to leave them in the hands of Prim. Though she isn't really that athletic, she is pretty good at instructing people, she would probably also be the easiest person to contact from the Capital. The only problem there is that she still has to go to school and she can only miss so many days before the Peacekeepers come knocking at our door. My only other option is Gale. Although I don't want to admit it he would be the best for training our tributes, teaching them new skills and what not. But, he works in the mines most of the days and his only free day is Sunday. We wouldn't have this problem though if he took some of my winnings. He could then help out our tributes until the games and after that he can go back to his mining life. The thing is he has too much pride to take my money, he would insist on doing it for free and using the time off to go to the woods, but that isn't going to be healthy for him. If he plans on training my tributes, he has to have energy.

"Gale," I didn't even realize I had said his name out loud until Peeta gave me a look. He was nodding his head in agreement, he must have been thinking a similar thing. "He's going to be our best option. Just how are we going to get him to actually do it?" I know I have my own ideas, but I still wanted to see what Peeta thought.

"Ask him for a favor." His voice was neutral. Almost to the point of being passive. "He won't deny you something you want, even if you deny him what it is he wants." About midway through his sentence, our eyes had met steely gray on raging blue. We held each others gazes intently, daring the other to break eye contact. This wasn't a fight I was going to lose. At least I thought that.

Peeta had other ideas. Still holding my gaze he brought his face close to mine, I could feel his breath on my face. The warm puffs of air that left his mouth were distracting me, his breath smelled of mint, and all at once it was as though I had lost the ability to breath. I was holding my breath, my eyes kept looking down at his lips, and then back at his eyes. As I pushed forward to kiss him though, he leaned back, causing me to kiss air, and for my hands to land on his thighs to steady myself from falling. Abruptly I opened my eyes and looked down quickly pulling myself away from Peeta and the intimate position we had once again found ourselves in.

"Well I don't know about you," I let out a slight cough trying to ease the tension, "But, I'm hungry." Stress eating was a bad habit I had required after going to the capital, after having the opportunity to indulge myself in endless amounts of food.

Peeta, however, did not object. He pulled out the cheese buns and berries and began preparing a feast for us.

' _Maybe I shouldn't have done it'_

' _Maybe I shouldn't have done it'_

"Maybe I shouldn't have done it."

Peeta gave me a confused look, "Shouldn't have done what?"

* * *

 _So I've been thinking about this quote more than I should have been. It's been keeping me up at night, drawing pictures in my head of the things that haunt my sleep. But, every time I try to put it on paper, I can't find the right picture._

 _This, like many other things in my life, has been a product of my procrastination._


	11. Burn

_'"You have married an Icarus,_

 _He has flown too close to the sun."'_

 _-Eliza (Hamilton; Burn)_

* * *

The days after our interaction was a blur. I only remember telling Snow we would do it and the venomous smile that spread across his face. The days after we were rushing around, our prep teams had come to get us ready and we spent less and less time with our tributes. We barely even had time to tell them our training plan before we were whisked off onto the train. The conversation with Haymitch was as pleasant as the other chats we had with him, but Gale's was different. For starters, Peeta refused to come with me. He told me this was something I had to figure out on my own. Although I hated the idea of talking to Gale without him, I still agreed with his logic. Peeta's presence would add tension, it would also give Gale a reason to refuse my offer. Without him there, Gale would have no reason to say no. Except that he did.

"Katniss, I can help your tributes but I won't take your money." Gale's voice rung in my ears. He was infuriating.

"And you're willing to let your family starve because of your refusal." This sent Gale spiraling in rage.

"I don't want your capital money, I don't want anything from the capital or you. Katniss, all I'm trying to do is keep my family alive. Plus, this is not my responsibility."

"Gale, you're right, you don't owe me anything. But, that doesn't mean you should let Bo and Ocenne go into the arena without any assistance. If you say no, think of what it would do to them. And if you say yes, don't think of me, think of the people of twelve who will be thankful for your help." And with that, I stomped off. Gale arrived later at my door apologizing. He told me how he had been irrational, how he would take my deal, and my money. I practically jumped him when he told me that. Hugging him tightly and pulling him inside to have dinner with us. When he left, we sent him home with the leftovers. Tonight his family wouldn't be hungry.

The next couple of days went smoothly, we came to the train station, waving goodbye to the district and our families, and then we were on our way. The train ride was uneventful. We spent much of the time watching Capital news- which mostly just involved the drama between victors- and eating. At night I would cling to Peeta practically dragging him into my room because the train rides and the Capital always seemed to trigger more nightmares.

When we got to the Capital, we were whisked into an interview with Caesar. One where I purely smiled and laughed when necessary while the duo of Caesar and Peeta lit up the crowd.

"Ahh, the Star-crossed lovers of district twelve! We've missed you!" Caesars overly cheery voice filled the room.

"Ahh Caesar, we've missed being here. And the crowd, oh we've missed them as well." Peeta's voice was so joyful that the people of the Capital ate it up and begged for more. The interview stayed on that line, Caesar asked about the wedding we told, he asked about our tributes. He even invited us to stay for the after party; which we would be forced to attend.

The after party was easier to handle than the interview. I spent most of my time with Peeta eating. The different foods all looked so appealing. I didn't know where to start. About half way through my indulgences, however, Peeta pulled me onto the dance floor for a dance. It was a slow dance, a Capitol dance, much like the ones Effie had taught us during the victory. However, Peeta was now bringing his face close to my ear. "How much longer do you think we have to stay here?" His warm breath made me shiver, and I stepped in, trying to get closer to him.

"By here, do you mean the Capital or this party?" This earned me a chuckle from Peeta.

"A little of both I guess." He pulled his head back so he could look me in the eyes. A light smile played on his lips and still he pulled me closer. "How much do you want to bet that every camera is trained on us right now." I looked away from him blushing, only to be meet by the face of a photographer. Great.

In a rash decision, I brought my lips up to Peeta's and kissed him. I wanted the cameras to see it, but, at the same time, I had been longing for his kisses for so long. This was the first kiss we had shared since Snow's announcements.

Although Peeta was caught off guard at first, he quickly recovered and responded. Grabbing my waist and pulling me against his chest. We were both playing the cameras right now, but we were also having a blast doing it.

When we finally pulled away, it was because we needed air. One look around us told us that people had turned their attention to us and that we looked like a mess. Our lips were swollen and our bodies pushed up against each other. All at once, the realization of what we had just done hit us and we jumped apart. Putting a safe distance between us. We were looking down at the ground and blushing. Snow, however, had finally appeared at his balcony. He stood smiling his venomous smile at me, his eyes flashing.

"Well, well well," He chuckled, "Quite a scene that was from our victors of district twelve. I hope everyone is enjoying the party as much as they are. I give a toast to them and their love. When the date is decided, everyone in the Capital will be invited. Now, let us all return to the party." And with that, a firework shot into the sky behind him, lighting up his palace and yard. Peeta grabbed my hand and pulled me after him to the back of the crowd.

"What now," Peeta whispered to me. I wasn't sure, what do we do now? Snow had just seen us making out in the middle of his party, and not only that but he was also sending wedding invitations out to all the guests at the party. Every person I approached asked me about the wedding, and my answer was always the same 'It's going to be a surprise'. After that session, I was preparing myself for the questions about a family. Luckily, Peeta and I were able to avoid the crowd, sneaking into corners or places were few people lingered. We were able to do this until Plutarch approached us. He gave a court nod to Peeta before once again asking me to dance.

One look at the watch that he wore told me that was the Mockingjay watch from last time, but this time it seemed to glow a little brighter.

"Miss Everdeen, I do hope you are enjoying the Party." His question was casual, polite, nothing was hidden in it.

"Of course, the party is for me is it not?"

"It appears it is. I hope you are looking forward to this year's games?" The little contact I had heard over the phone from Gale told me that he was trying his best to keep my tributes alive, feeding them and training them. He told me when I saw them next they would be almost unrecognizable.

"Who isn't" Plutarch flashed me his smile. Once again he dismissed himself by flashing me the Mockingjay on his watch and walking off. Peeta was instantly at my back his lips closer to my ear.

"What did he want?"

"He was asking about the party, boring things like that." I turned so I was now facing Peeta again. His suit was unbuckled, and he caught me looking at it.  
"A couple of the Capital girls were getting frisky with their hands." His hands shot to fix his suit but I was already doing it for him, looking behind his shoulder at the girls that swooned in his shadow. I'm not sure what got into me but all of a sudden, I wanted to show those girls that Peeta was mine. I wrapped a hand around his waist and another around his neck bringing his ear close to my lips.

"Can we leave now?" His face was close to my neck his lips parted and his breath tingling.

He breathed his response on my neck I almost missed it.

"Yes." And now I was turning away, grabbing his hand and sneaking a look at the still swooning girls. I practically dragged him to the limo they had brought to take us back to our room. When we got outside, Effie was standing outside, as preppy as usual. She greeted us with kisses on the checks. She hadn't been there when our prep teams had gotten us ready due to important plans she had made in her oh so beloved schedule.

As she started to ramble about how for once in our lives we weren't behind, I zoned out. Thinking about the girls and the way I had reacted to them. The jealousy that built up in my stomach at the fact that people, who weren't me, were admiring the masterpiece that was Peeta. I was brought back to reality when Peeta tucked my hand into his arm- hooking our elbows and drawing me closer to him.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Peeta's voice was soft, subtle. His face, however, had a slight smile and his eyes were gazing off into the Capital.

I snorted, he knew what I was thinking, and he loved it. "Oh you know, just the...Um… The tributes." At my words his voice turned serious, the reaping was soon, and that meant that our tributes would be pushed into the arena soon, and soon only one of them may be alive.

"I talked to Gale this morning, I asked about the tributes. He said that the next time we saw them we would be surprised. They aren't the same kids we left behind." I was surprised. For starters, Gale and Peeta didn't speak with one another. They barely even said hello. "I already know what you're going to ask. Gale called to tell you, but you were with the prep team so I answered and he filled me in." It was an easy enough response, but it didn't sound right. Gale wasn't supposed to call until the morning before the prep team comes.

"What happened to the book?" Peeta looked at me. A mix of confusion and surprise on his fast.

"What book?" He was trying to play dumb. He knew that there were cameras and audio everywhere but I still wanted to know. "Do you mean the plant book?" Looking at him I could tell it was a code word. "I left it in the district, Gale is going to work on it while we were away."

There we go. The true reason the two of them talked. They were making a plan, and it was very likely nobody but they would be involved.

But not if I had a say in it. I was tired of being left out of people's plans.


	12. Eden

_Disclaimer: Not my characters_

* * *

 _'Deep into that darkness peering,_

 _long I stood there,_

 _wondering, fearing, doubting,_

 _dreaming_ _dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.'_

 _-Edgar Allan Poe_

* * *

Later that night when I was showering off the events of the night, my mind started to wonder. What were they planning? A rebellion. It was possible; and more likely to happen than even I would like to admit. But a foolish part of me chose not to accept that theory. I wanted to cling to the idea that something else was going on, but I had a nagging feeling that if something else was going down, it also had to do something about overthrowing Snow.

Later that night as I sat snuggles against Peeta's chest unable to sleep, I voiced my concern.

"If you were planning anything, you would tell me about it, right? You wouldn't leave me out of any plans you're making?"

Peeta, who up until this conversation was faking sleep opened one eye and met my gaze. His hand that was rested on my back was now stroking my hair. As he slammed his head back into the pillow he responded. "Katniss, I would never lie to you."

He was avoiding the question, I could sense it. We weren't in a safe place to talk, and Peeta was such a good talker. You could never tell the difference between when he was lying or when he was telling the truth. The only thing that gave him away was his eyes. When he lied, Peeta would always sneak a glance at his hand, as though it would tell him all the answers he needed. Right now, however, his eyes were closed, and he was once again trying to fake sleep until real sleep finally overtook him.

"But what I'm trying to say is you wouldn't plan something 'BIG' without telling me?" My question hung in the air but got no response.

"Katniss, if I was planning something, I would tell you. And if I don't tell you, it's because the plan hasn't been fully thought out yet. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then believe me on this, what Gale and I are planning is going to be huge. But I'll have to tell you about it another time." Peeta's voice was taking on a drowsy tone. He was fighting off sleep for so long, but now it was finally pulling him under. "Katniss, just please try not to worry. Get some sleep."

And like that, I was out.

I dreamt that I was flying. Gliding through the air. A Mockingjay, flying with no restraints to stop her. The air around me was warm, the sky was blue the sun shining. And just when I felt that I was safe, the air around me grew heated. It moved from a warm day to a hot day to a scorching day. The world felt as though it was on fire, things around me were catching fire. People were cheering chanting. I heard my name mostly, but the names of Peeta and Haymitch, even Gale showed up every now and then. As I flew closer, I saw destruction, places being blown to the ground and the screams of people losing their loved ones.

Flying closer to ground, I recognized something that resembled the Capital. Pictures of nearly all the victors faces littered the screens surrounding the city. As I landed on one of the surrounding buildings, I saw the sky go up in flames, the air was smoking, children were on fire, one of my wings were on fire. I was screaming, yelling out….

"Katniss," Peeta's voice rang through the hollow walls of my bedroom. When we had come to the Capital, they had given us both separate bedrooms. They said that it was for our comfort and our stylists. Most nights while I was in the Capital, I would drag Peeta into my room. Even tonight, I had tried to drag him in. He had stayed with me till I had fallen asleep before retreating to his compartment. He did this often, and the lack of sleep was starting to show on his face.

His blue eyes which were usually very bright had dulled to a foggy blue-gray. His hair was messy, the bags under his eyes were huge, and his eyelids tended to droop at breakfast.

"Katniss, shhh. It's okay, it was just a nightmare, I'm right here." As Peeta spoke, he walks closer to the bed. My hands and arms were outstretched, like a child who was asking their parents to pick them up and cradle them. When he got into reaching distance, I clawed at him. Grabbing his shoulders and forcefully pulling him towards me. The force of my arms, however, had caused his fake leg to lose his balance. He was stumbling over to me and my hands were drawing him closer, when he hit my bed, he practically landed on top of me. His hands next to my face. He was holding himself up so he wasn't crushing me, but I was desperately clawing at his shoulder- sure that there would be marks in the morning- trying to pull him closer to me.

"Katniss…" His breath was warm on my face. His eyes were closed and he was trying to push himself off of me. But I didn't want that. I wanted his proximity, cherished it. In this position, trapped between his body and the mattress, I felt safe. I tucked my head into his neck.

"Please don't leave me."

"I'd never leave you." His adjusted himself again taking more weight off of my tiny frame. "I just don't want to crush you in your sleep." He finally opened his eyes. The blue was vibrant, almost unnatural compared to the dark surroundings of my room. No wonder the people of the Capital had such a fascination with them. Rolling off of me, he hooked his hands on my back and pulled me with him so we were not facing each other on the bed. My hands were still clinging to his back.

Slowly, he grabbed my left hand, which was pinned between his body and the mattress and pulled it out so I could lay more comfortably. "You see, much better." I felt his jaw moving on where it was rested on my head.

"I don't know, I liked the other position more." And like that, with Peeta's arms around me I succumbed to the feeling of sleep.

When I woke up, my body felt stiff. One of my legs was thrown over Peeta's hip and my arm was still clinging to his shoulder. My face was still nuzzled into his collarbone area and I was inhaling the scent of him.

"It's another big BIG day Katniss," Effies high pitched trill rang through the room. "It's time you got up. I'm going to go wake up Peeta, if you are not up when I get back, young lady, I will walk in there and drag you out." And with that, she left.

I chuckled to myself. Effie will have a fit when she goes to Peeta's room and doesn't see him in there. And as though right on cue, Effie's shrill scream radiated to through the hall. Before I could even make any move to disentangle myself, the door was wide open, revealing a fuming Effie. As she looked at the position we were in she walked over to my side of the bed. Desperately trying to disconnect myself from Peeta- who only pulled me closer the more I struggled- Effie came to my side. As I finally managed to get out of Peeta's grasp I rolled so I could look at Effie.

Unfortunately, my attempted roll sent me off the bed and I landed on my bottom, with a pile of blankets over me.

"Haymitch isn't going to be happy when he hears about this," Effie scolded. Picking myself up from the floor, I gave her a sideways glance. Picking up the blankets, I disposed them on a faking Peeta. "Katniss, how many times have I told you that we do not sleep with men who we are not married to."

"Oh Effie," I tried my best to imitate the high-pitched accent that many of the people living in the Capital had, " It's not like you had never done it before," I smirked at the wide mouthed expression Effie gave to me.

"That is enough of your attitude young lady." And with that Effie stomped out.

Turning back to the bed, Peeta opened one eye and chuckled. "That's enough of your attitude young lady."

I blushed, I knew he had been awake the whole conversation. "You left me to handle it all by myself, we both know I'm not the good talker." Peeta shrugged off the blankets and stepped out of the bed.

"If I remember correctly," Peeta lowered his voice slightly and tilted his head so it was closer to mine, "You were the one who was under me on the mattress." At his recollection, I blushed and punched his chest.

I turned my back to him and shrugged. Aiming to make my voice as unaffected as possible"We both know that nothing happened."

"Oh, but imagine the possibilities."

"I'd rather not." And with that I left the room smirking, leaving a dumbfounded Peeta in the mess that was my room, as I walked off to breakfast.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading, Please like and review and let me know what you all think._

 _XOXO- Loverseyes_


	13. Chaos

_Disclaimer: The usual you know_

* * *

 _'There's just something_

 _so damn attractive_

 _about chaos.'_

 _-F.d. soul_

* * *

The table at breakfast was mostly uneventful without Effie. When I sat down, Cinna and Portia told me Effie would not come out until I apologized to her for my 'Crude and unnecessary' remark. Peeta came in a little later, having showered and put on some cloth- not that he hadn't had clothes before. He sat in the seat furthest away from me, spurred on by the look Portia was giving him. He nodded his greetings to us all before going back to eating.

"So what are the plans for today, anyone know?" Peeta had finally broken the tense silence with a simple question.

"Today, you guys are going to be meeting with sponsors. More specifically, your Capital sponsors from your games." Cinna looked up from his plate, "These sponsors are also going to be important to your tributes, so turn the charm on and don't hold back." Charm, Cinna must know who he was talking to. I had _almost_ as much charm as a slug "Honestly Katniss, I wouldn't worry about it. With Peeta's wit and charm, you wouldn't have to say a word. But I wouldn't forget that body language speaks. Although the people of the Capital are shallow, they are not stupid."

Well, I guess that clarified a couple of things for me.

Standing from the table, I gave them all a curt nod and walked over to where Peeta sat. Bringing my mouth close to his ear so only he could hear, I spoke. "I have to go and apologize to Effie for what I said this morning. Would you mind coming with me? It would be easier with you there." Peeta nodded and slowly pushed his chair out from the table. Saying a quick goodbye, I grabbed his arm and led him quickly down the hallway to the room I knew Effie inhabited.

Stopping in front of it, I mentally prepared myself for all scenarios.

Scenario one: Tears

Scenario two: Anger

Scenario three: quick recovery back to normal Effie

Thinking of all the possibilities, I wasn't sure which one would scare me the most. Knocking on her door, I tried to listen to the usual clicking of her heels. When I heard nothing, I brought my hand up to knock again but was stopped by the door quickly opening. "Katniss," Effie stated in a voice that radiated anger. Anger. Thank goodness, I could handle anger.

"Effie I just came by to-

"Oh, it's about time you felt something."

"-Apologize… Wait what?" What had Effie said, it was about time I felt something?

"I said-"

"No, I know what you said, I just don't understand what you mean. I do feel."

"Well then, what little you feel, you express even less."

"Effie, I've always been closed off don't take it personally."

"Oh dear, the last thing I would do is take it personally." She sneered at me.

"Anyway." I continued on with the speech I had prepared in my head, "I'm sorry for insulting you with what I had said. It just kind of came out, I was tired and…"

Before I could even finish, Effie was pulling me into a huge. I was so surprised by the sudden shift of emotion, I didn't know how to respond. "Katniss, I understand. Sometimes when we are sleep induced we say things we don't mean, just promise me one thing. You will try to minimize this sleeping arrangement you have going till you return to the districts. If not for anything but my health."

Still locked in Effie's embrace I gave her a nod. Once again voicing my apology to her before she let me go and I was able to leave the room.

"By the look on your face, that encounter went better than you expected." Peeta chuckled, I must have looked surprised.

"It started out the way I thought then took a turn. I thought there would be way more screaming and throwing." At this Peeta let out a chuckle.

" You said it took a turn. Was it for better or for worse?"

"I'm not really sure."

* * *

Sitting in the shiny white room, I waited for Cinna. The room resembled many of the other rooms in the Capital. For one, it was white, and there was not a spot of dirt in the place. The experience I was currently having was reminding me of the Games. How they had put us into rooms with our stylist. But this was different. I wasn't about to go into the Games, and I knew Cinna.

"There she is the Girl on Fire. Ready for tonight?" Cinna came into the room, his voice flooding the silence.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess. What do you have planned for tonight?"

As Cinna took the seat across from me he responded. "I'm thinking something simple and elegant. It's going to be longer so you're probably going to need heals."

"Then we had better get started."

* * *

Cinna was right, the dress was long. It was also very tight, accenting what few curves I had. The dress was a red. Not a subtle red, a blood red. Along the side of my left leg, there was a slit that ran from the bottom of the dress, dangerously high to the top of my thigh. The dress also had a sweetheart neckline with sleeves that did not cover my shoulders, but instead landed along my biceps. My makeup was done in a dark smokey eye, and I was given a gold bracelet with a symbol of a Mockingjay on it. Cinna then went on to give me terrifyingly high heels. They were plain black. Nothing fancy, but they were at least six inches if not more.

"No, you won't tower over Peeta or the guests if that's what your thinking," Cinna remarked as he fixed my lipstick, darkening it to more of a deep red. Cinna stepped back from his work and admired it. "Have a look."

Turning around to look in the mirror, I was almost unrecognizable. My hair which usually fell straight was pressed into large voluminous curls pulled over to one side with a deep part. My eyes were smoldering under the dark makeup. My lips looked kissable, but my body. The dress Cinna had put me in was beautiful. It made me look tall and desirable. Standing in the mirror of the dressing room I was smoldering.

"Now," Cinna let out a slight chuckle, "We need to see if you could walk in those heels." Taking a few wobbly steps towards Cinna I let out a silent laugh. "Well, good thing Peeta will be there to hold you up." Giving Cinna a look, I steadied myself and walked slowly out the door to the place I knew Peeta would meet me in. Looking around, Peeta hadn't come yet. This was probably the first time that I was done with my stylist before him, so I throw myself down on the nearest loveseat to wait.

When Peeta came out of the room, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. Peeta looked good. His hair was cut short along the sides with the top of his hair holding frilly curls. He was in a red tuxedo, a white shirt underneath, and a black bowtie. The pair of us, when put together looked dynamic.

Peeta looked at me as he neared the place I was sitting his mouth agape, "Wow, you look… You look absolutely amazing."

"You don't look too bad yourself." Letting out a small chuckle, Peeta offered his arm. I took it gratefully, leaning into it as we walked so I wouldn't stumble.

As we walked, Peeta leaned towards me, putting his lips close to my ear. "You look hot."

I once again let out a slight chuckle, "So it went from beautiful and amazing to hot."

"Well, you always look beautiful and amazing, but right now, you're hot." And with that Peeta lead us to where we would make our grand entrance.

"Should I be honored that you called me hot?"

"As supposed to what, being offended?" I gave him the best side eye I could manage with the heavy makeup. "Okay, okay fair point. No, it's a compliment that I leave for special girls in my life."

"Oh yeah, and who are those girls?"

"You." Before I could respond, our cue was on and we were walking down the steps to greet the sponsors. Shaking hands and laughing at their jokes, I tried to stay near Peeta, but when we were separated, I did as Cinna told me. I spoke through my body language. I touched the sponsor's arms and leaned near them, whatever I could do. And the crowd ate it up. As it got later into the night, fewer and fewer people showed up. Eventually, it was just Peeta, me, and a Capitol citizen who told us her family absolutely _adored_ us. When she had finally left, I practically fell on Peeta. My feet were killing me. Peeta caught me swiftly and allowed me to lean against him.

When we were finally cleared to leave, I nearly ran straight to my shower. Stumbling over the dress a few times before taking my heels off and throwing them into Peeta's arms. I finally made it into my bathroom, pulling off the zipper and relieving my aching feet in the warm flow. I stayed in there for nearly an hour. Only realizing I had to come out when Peeta knocked on my door.


	14. Athazagoraphobia

_Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins characters not mine_

* * *

 _"You think I'd let him destroy me_

 _and end up happier than ever?_

 _No f**king way. He doesn't get to_

 _win."_

 _-Amy Dunne - Gone Girl_

* * *

It turns out that while I was in the shower I had missed a very important announcement. Peeta had told me as much by the urgency in his tone and the acute looks he was giving me as we walked into the sitting area of our suite. On seeing me, Effie popped out of her seat, excitement was written all over her face. "Oh Katniss, there you are! You had us worried." Her high pitched capital accent rang off the walls of the suite.

Peeta slides past me throwing himself down on one of the plush recliners. Great. That meant I would have to sit next to Effie. Gently pushing past Effie so I could talk my seat. I looked at the faces of my companions. Effie had a smile plastered on, Cinna and Portia had a somber look on their faces. Peeta was defiantly staring at the TV as though it had personally threatened him. Maybe it had.

"President Snow just contacted us," Cinna's calm voice pierced the silence. "He told us he wants his 'Two Favorite Mentors' back in the district for the reaping. It would only be right that way." The idea of a reaping had seemed silly to me at first, what with us deciding who went into the games. But now it made sense. They wanted to see our reactions, nobody in the districts knew who we picked. The tributes themselves might not have even known if we had not told them. Snow was going to make a fool of us. Make us stand among a crowd of people, knowing that if their children die, it will be our fault. But we were just pieces in his game, and he was playing a dirty game.

By the look on Peeta's face, it was obvious he had also figured out what Snow was doing. And he was not thrilled. He stood up so abruptly, mumbling that he was going to bed, that it actually caused me to jump. I moved to follow him but was stopped by the fierce look from Effie. Even with her apology, she still did not approve of our sleeping arrangement.

"Katniss, maybe you should go to bed as well, the train will be here early tomorrow morning." Nodding, I steadied my feet and stood from my spot, shuffling into my room. I didn't bother to turn the lights on or shut the door. I just paced back and forth along my room. Two weeks before the reaping, Snow was giving us two weeks with our tributes. Two weeks for them to train. Two weeks for Peeta and Gale to continue schyming. This thought set me off. Like a bullet, I shot out of my room down the hall to the room that was Peeta's. Not bothering to knock- he tended to keep his door unlocked- I stormed in. Peeta's room, much like mine was dark. The blankets that sat on the large bed were ruffled, a sliver of Peeta's blond hair shining just above it. Moving to the bed, I spoke, "Snow is playing us for fools." The blankets rustled and Peeta pulled his head from under the covers.

"He's playing the only game he's ever known how to play. The manipulation game. Putting people on his side, changing people's views so they correspond with his own." Shifting so Peeta was in a sitting position he mumbled something.

"What?"

"Nothing." Peeta's voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes showed the conflicted thoughts in his head.

"Is this about your plan." Peeta gave me an odd look. One filled with confusion and realization at the same time.

"Yes."

"Why won't you tell me about it?"

"Now isn't the right time. Plus, I'm not the right person to ask." Peeta flopped back down on his back. "Shouldn't you be heading to bed anyway? The train leaves early tomorrow." Not moving from my spot I analyzed my options. Finally finding that I was too exhausted to go to my own bed and suffer the nightmares, I kicked the door closed and climbed in next to Peeta. Nudging his hip gently so he would give me more space. With a groan he obliged, rolling onto his stomach and grabbing a hold of my waist, bringing me closer to him so our shoulders were lined up. Shifting to my side, I shut my eyes, and with them, I shut out the world.

* * *

Effie was right, the train did come early. It felt like the moment I had shut my eyes in hopes of sleep, the high-pitched trill of Effie and other Capital helpers were jolting me awake. Since we didn't have to pack, I returned to my room, took a shower and let Cinna make his final touchs on my appearance for the train. It would be fast, but we had to look good. The train station was in the middle of the Capital either way, and impressions, especially in clothes, were key.

I don't actually remember much of what happened, there was a lot of waves, kisses, and tears from the people of the capital. I was being shoved and pulled in all different directions, that by the time I finally made it into the train I just stood in the middle of the room, glad to finally have control of my body again.

The train back to the districts was uneventful, I spent my nights with Peeta, and my days in the lounge looking at the sad dramas Effie was constantly watching. Peeta was distant ever since I asked him what he was planning, spending most of his time painting and barely coming out of his room if not to eat or sleep.

When we finally got back to 12, I was so relieved I nearly dislocated Peeta's shoulder as I pulled him out after me. Greetings went well, we answered questions, and smiled and tried to be the heroes the people of the Capital believed we were. When I was finally released from the public eye, I ran to my house, pulling a still engaged Peeta with me. By the time I have made it to my porch, I was panting and Peeta had pulled his hand away from me and is now massaging his shoulder.

"Someone must be excited to be home," Peeta spoke as he stood at his full height now. His arm that was messaging his shoulder now lays limp at his side, his Capital suit is a rumples mess. His tie hangs low around his neck, and the cuffs of his hands are undone. His hair is windswept and flying all over the place, I imagine I look similar.

Finally catching my breath, I respond, "You don't know how much I've been waiting." Peeta chuckles at this. " What's so funny?"

"It's cute that you are so excited to be at home, Katniss. You're like a young _Capital_ child who just woke up to presents and cake on their birthday." This hit a sore spot for me. Peeta had made it clear that he had meant Capital children, but it reminded me of all the small children who never got anything on their Birthdays. The children who dreamed of a brighter future but could do absolutely nothing to accomplish it. These are the children of the districts.

Peeta, sensing my sudden shift in mood looked down. Bringing his hand to the back of his neck, he spoke, "I… I didn't mean to broach that topic." Taking his apology as sincere, I shook it off. I was still glad to be home.

"It's fine, anyway I'm going to go inside and change, come over for dinner." It was a demand more than it was a question. But Peeta nodded his head and said he'd be there. As I turned to walk into my house, I snuck one more look at the ruffled Peeta -who up until now, I didn't mention how young he looked- waved and swiftly stepped into my house to prepare for the dinner that awaited me.

* * *

The house was warm, the fire blazing and the smell of fresh meat radiating through the halls. As I slipped off my shoes, I moved forward into the house so I could look into the kitchen. My mother and Prim had been at the train station -it was a requirement that they came- so we had already said our hellos. Stepping into the kitchen, Prim cornered me and started to bombard me with questions. Who was there? Was it fun? Did you meet Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason, I heard they were going to be there. All her questions were easy to answer except that last one.

Finnick Odair, he was the starboy of the Capital, everyone wanted a piece of him. And by the looks of it, he had enough to go around. He had won his games at 14, the youngest victor ever, thanks to his amazing abilities with a trident. During the 65th games- the games which in fact, he won- he was given a trident via sponsors. A gift from the people, and with it in his hands, he was nearly unstoppable. Not to mention he was charming and when he spoke, every word he said sounded genuine

Johanna Mason, however, was a totally different story. Where Finnick was charming and genuine, Johanna was aggressive and brute. She treated people as though they were inferior, but still had her way. For one thing, she was extremely seductive, men usually fell into step with her with one look and a wave of her finger. When she was a tribute, she made the others believe she was weak. She stayed in hiding, and the careers and other powers left her alone. Thinking that if they didn't kill her then surely she'd die of starvation or something. It turned out she had a wicked ability to murder. As the games were nearing an end, she was able to get her hands on an axe, revealing her ferocity, and eliminating the remaining tributes. She was 17 at the time, winning the games only three years before Peeta and I.

While in the Capital, we had met many people but those two extremely famous victors were not one of them. From what I had seen before on TV, Haymitch liked Finnick enough, but he was constantly called _Old Man_ by the young Odair. He preferred Johanna, she was more spiteful, more like him. And after she won, he took her under his wing instantly. This year, however, with Peeta and I being the main mentors, we would also have to get to know the other mentors. And that was a job I was already dreading.

My talk with Prim had caught me so off guard, I hadn't heard Peeta's loud steps behind me or the fact that I was still in my uncomfortable Capital wear. Oh well, it doesn't look like I had time to change now. Only a moment later my mother's voice sang through the hall, "Katniss, if you would like to go and change, please do. The Hawthornes are coming over for dinner. You invited Peeta too, correct?"

"Hello, Mrs. Everdeen." Peeta's voice was what alerted me of his presence. When he spoke I turned so quickly, it felt as though I had given myself whiplash, my hair flying and hitting him in the face. "Ow," He rubbed his face before pushing past me and moving to make small talk with my mother. Prim, seeing Peeta ran over to talk with them as well.

That's Peeta for you, charming as ever. My mother simply loved having him around, she thought he was a nice boy and she had good relations with his father. Prim also adored Peeta. Everything in he did in her eyes was amazing, sometimes she made me question if she was in love with him. Peeta simply used all of this to his advantage, and was able to wrap my family around his finger.

Pushing myself up the stairs, I got ready for the dinner. After my shower, I threw on a black shirt and jeans. They weren't the nicest things I owned, but I had them for so long, the fabric was worn and warm. Sliding down the stairs, I was just in time to see the door close, Hazelle and her family sat there, hugging my mother and sister. Gale leaned against the door giving my family a hug and simply nodding his head at Peeta. Peeta politely returned the gesture but made no attempt to engage him in any conversation. Walking into the room, I was harassed with hugs. The young Posy jumped into my arms, and Rory- who was now almost as tall as Peeta- gave me a suffocating hug, his brother Vick following his example as well. This brought a silent laugh out of Gale. He moved, shoving his siblings off me and enveloped me into a hug. "I've missed you Catnip." He whispered.

"I've missed you too." Peeta quickly stood up, his stance non-threatening, but his eyes piercing a hole in my back.

"Katniss, I'm going to go check on Haymitch. Is it okay if I invite him over?" This startled me, I pulled away from Gale and turned me head towards Peeta.

Before I even had a chance to respond, my mother had already answered him, "Oh, of course, how could we have forgotten! Peeta, please go bring him here." Haymitch had not been at the train station, probably caught up drinking himself into his grave. Effie apologized before she left, saying she tried to contact him, but he never picked up.

I hadn't thought much of it at first, but now, the idea was starting to concern me. I watched Peeta walk across the lawn to the house he knew Haymitch inhabited. He knocked once, twice, before just reaching for the knob and letting himself in. He was gone for some time, enough time for my mother to send me over to check that they hadn't killed each other.


	15. A Minor Bird

_'I have wished a bird would fly away,_

 _And not sing by my house all day;_

 _Have clapped my hands at him from the door_

 _When It_ _seemed as if I could bear no more._

 _The fault must partly have been in me._

 _The bird was not to blame for his key._

 _And of course there must be something wrong_

 _In wanting to silence any song.'_

 _-Robert Frost; from: A Minor Bird_

* * *

It turned out to be a good thing I had gone over. The two men sat on the sofa, an empty bottle lying loosely in Haymitch's hands. The both looked totally indifferent, not even sparing me a look as I walked through the room. Stopping so I now stood between where the two were sitting, I took a look around the room. Broken glasses were strewn everywhere. Peeta's hands were cut and bloodied, as though he had tried to pick up the pieces of glass that littered the floor. Haymitch saw where I was looking and finally spoke up, "If you're curious why there is glass all over the floor, I'd ask your boyfriend. He was the one doing the throwing."

Sneaking a glance at Peeta, he still looked indifferent, but he made no attempts to speak on what Haymitch just said. Turning back to Haymitch, I spoke, "What the hell are you talking about Haymitch?"

"Well, while they were busy parading you around the Capital like a couple of prizes, they made some changes here. For example, the fence is now lit twenty-four seven. They hooked up a couple of whipping posts all around town, the peacekeepers are desperate for some reason to tether anyone up and hit them senseless."

Still not seeing the point in his words, I shrugged and asked, "Ok, so?"

Peeta finally spoke up, "Well for starters, no more plans. Everything is gone." It finally hit me, the book. Peeta had said he had given it to Gale, and there was nowhere safer for him to have put the book then the woods. The woods would also have been their easiest meeting destination, they could sneak in and talk for ages, but now, it seems it would be too late.

"Who all knows?"

"The whole district. Sweetheart, you're lucky you've been gone, they might have sent peacekeepers on our tails if you hadn't."

"Haha funny," I mumbled. "Are you too coming to dinner or should I make up some excuse for the two of you."

"What did you have in mind?" Peeta chuckled.

"I don't know, maybe something along the lines of they drank themselves into a comma."

Haymitch applauded, "Very believable."

Peeta stood from his spot, grabbed the bottle Haymitch was holding and hurled it against the wall. Looking at Haymitch and me, Peeta shrugged, "Just for effect you know."

"Glad my drinking habit could aid you in your distress." Haymitch pushed off the bed and went to change his soiled clothing. Peeta again just shrugged and went to the sink, washing off the liquor and blood that had made a few stinging imprints on his hands. When Haymitch finally came out, I stepped in front of the two of them, leading them back to my house.

When we entered everyone looked up from what they were doing, giving us a smile.

"Well," my mother clapped her hands, "Let us eat." This was the most I had heard her speak. Lately, she had been trying to be more helpful, but sometimes it felt forced. Hearing her voice so cheery felt almost unnatural, but it was nice to see my mother try and be a mother again. As my mother and Hazelle moved about with the food, Peeta offered to set the table. His skillful hands moved gracefully, making the table and the placements look as though we were a part of one of his paintings. I took this moment to admire Peeta, his broad chest and fit arms, which worked so gently, his eyelashes and hair looked as though they were spun by gold and his eyes looked unnaturally blue. As he finished he stood straight, the corners of his lips upturned, admiring the look of the table. As Peeta finally looked up from the table, his eyes caught mine. The smile on his lips extended, and he made a gesture signaling for me to come.

As I neared where it was he was standing he gently pulled out my chair, I smiled and him and moved to sit. When I was seated, he took the seat to my left, Gale falling into the seat to my right. Haymitch, having already found the bottle of white liquor in my house, fell into the seat next to Peeta. Peeta only gave him a dismissive glance before turning his attention back to the food.

Fried geese sat in front of us, it was a monumental amount of food. But it still felt different since it was back at home rather than at the Capital, where the food always felt as though it was made to feed a whole district.

Dinner was nice we ate and talked and answered questions. Eventually, our guests realized I wasn't really interested in answering questions, and asked Peeta instead. Peeta, being the gentleman he politly listened to the questions. Swallowing before answering the questions, and eating with his fork and knife. He was a true man from the Capital. He was almost unreal, undeniably perfect in every way. His merchant looks, which my mom and Prim also shared, stood out above all else. Among the sea of dark heads, he looked different. I hadn't realized that I had stopped eating and had been staring at Peeta until Gale gently kicked me under the table. His small movement spurred me back into motion. Reaching my hand out awkwardly to grab my water and moisten my dry throat.

"anyway," Peeta's voice rang out through the room, "It's nice to be back. The Capital Parties were fun- not to mention the endless amounts of attention- but there is nothing quite like being at your home and having the luxury and comfort of your bed." At this Gale snorted at his food, Peeta didn't even spare him a glance, passing a polite smile around the table before returning to his food.

The rest of dinner was finished in relative silence. As we were coming to an end, Peeta offered to clean the table allowing our guests- and my family- to take a seat while he washed the dishes and brought out the cookies I know he had brought with him. Not quite sure whether to stay and help Peeta or go and sit with my family, I stood awkward at the swinging door of the kitchen waiting for Peeta to invite me to help or for our guests to invite me to come and sit with them.

Gale, sensing that I was waiting for an invitation waved me over to where he was sitting. There was barely space on the four-person sofa, but my small frame allowed me to fit easily. The chat in the room was calm, they talked of work and cleaning, something I found myself losing interest in quickly. Gale sensed my loss of interest and tried to involve me in conversations of my own, asking me about nonsense things I could tell he had no interest in until his final question, "Have you been to town?"

His question causes me to turn my head to look at him in shock. I hadn't been to town yet, but Haymitch had already informed us of the changes. "No, not yet." My eyes kept flitting to the swinging door, hoping that Peeta would walk out and explain to Gale what Haymitch had explained to all of us. Unfortunately, the door stayed closed and Gale's eyes were prying into me, begging me to share what I knew. "All I know is that they made some renovations around time and that Peacekeepers have been getting antsy to give them a chance."

Gale nodded, "Yeah they tightened security during curfew as well. Not to mention, the peacekeepers will arrest you for the smallest mistakes. A couple of people were arrested but none ever made it to the whipping polls."

"I wouldn't want to be the first," I grumbled.

"You're a Victor, you're close to invincible in the district."

"Oh if only you knew." Peeta chose this moment to walk through the door. The cookie basket in hand, he walked to the coffee table, putting the basket down. Hazelle and my mother, who seemed involved in an important conversation, politely grabbed a cookie and thanked Peeta. Grabbing two cookies, he walked over to where Haymitch sat, pulling the small chess table from its place and setting the pieces. He handed Haymitch one of the cookies he had gotten, closing his lip along the other won. Haymitch grumbled something that made Peeta crack a smile before pulling one of the stools from the island and sitting it in front of the table and Haymitch. The continued to converse, a smile growing on both their faces. Sitting there, they both looked so young. Haymitch looked like a man who was ready for his wedding- at least if you didn't look at what he was wearing. Peeta, on the other hand, looked boyish, his hair was rumpled, his clothing accentuated his body, his arms rippling under his shirt each time he moved a piece.

I was distracted when Gale, who I hadn't realized had stood, sat back down next to me. His frame making the cushion underneath us sink remarkably. He offered me a cookie, a yellow lily, which I took respectively.

"Listen Katniss, we need to talk the three of us."

"And so I heard." I didn't mean for my voice to come out as defensive, but it sounded that way.

Gale gave me a hard look before he spoke, "Katniss, this is dangerous. If exposed too soon it could mess everything up."

"I realize that but why the secrets."

"Ask your boyfriend." And with a final shrug, we fell into a pregnant silence.


	16. Uneventful

_"The day you have everything_

 _I hope you_ _remember_

 _The day you had nothing."_

 _-Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey)_

* * *

The rest of the night was excruciatingly boring. Gale and I sat awkwardly side by side the whole night. I tried to keep my eyes trained on Peeta, but if he felt me looking, he didn't turn his face. Peeta and Haymitch seemed to be having a good time. Haymitch had a smirk on his face and Peeta often threw his head back in a fit of laughter. It was a brilliant sight to see both male victors so happy. When Gale abruptly got up, the rest of his family followed. The Hawthorns left in a rush of goodbyes and kisses, including one Rory shyly planted on my sister's cheek.

Peeta had gotten up as well. Telling that he should probably get home before it got too dark. Haymitch followed his words up with a sideways glance at both of us seeing what we would respond. Peeta and I still had things to talk about but the look in his eyes were pleading. He had something in mind even I couldn't imagine. Leaning forward to give him a kiss on the cheek Peeta abruptly friend his face and caught my lips in a kiss. I was so taken off guard that in nearly threw him off me before realizing that we had somehow made it away from the prying eyes of Haymitch and my mother.

I wanted to the give into the kiss and make Peeta stay, but I knew that was selfish of me. Peeta broke off the kiss my lips following him in search of one more but he chuckled. His lips were swollen and puffy his breaths came in pants against my forehead. Leaning in again he moved to speak, "Katniss, I really need to go now." Holding the door open I want he'd him walk to his house.

Haymitch had chosen to fall asleep in his recliner in our living room. I had wanted to move him but my mother told me to let him stay, maybe the nightmares wouldn't haunt in tonight. I doubted it but I let him sleep.

I, unfortunately, Had not been as lucky as Haymitch with nightmares. My dreams were plagued with mutts and the sounds of Snow's laughter. Each time he moved to open his mouth in a fit of laughter, blood would spray out, bright and red. By the end I found myself running out of my house onto Peeta's lawn. He opened the door just as I raised my hand to knock and crashed my body to him. His embrace was warm compared to the cold sweat that drenched my face. He swiftly pulled me into his house. Closing the door behind us and leading me to his kitchen. There was a loaf of bread there, fresh. A mug of hot chocolate sat beside it. He placed the mug between my hands along with a slice of bread and coaxed me to eat. I listened. As I ate Peeta sat quietly.

"We need to meet tomorrow. Me you and him."

He was speaking in code. I nodded my head. I wasn't about to speak my meaning out loud for the Capitol to hear.

By the end of the night, Peeta and I found ourselves in his bed my head resting on his chest his hands on my hair. We weren't talking we had said very little to each other since he had dragged me into his house. Even with Peeta sitting here, I knew it would be a restless night.

I hoped in vain for sleep to take me under but it never did. As the light of day started to spill into Peeta's room, I knew I had missed my morning routine. I would just spend it today with a pocket full of coins walking aimlessly through town. Peeta had shifted through the night, changing our positions so that we were laying on our sides.

Peeta hadn't fallen asleep either last night. That was obvious from the bags under his eyes as I turned to look at him. His eyes were closed, but his breathing was not steady. Feeling me turn, he wrapped his arm tighter around me and brought me closer towards him. Burying his head into my hair he spoke, "Don't get up, not yet."

I hadn't planned on standing, my legs didn't feel as though they would be able to hold up my weight. "I won't. Don't worry."

We spent much of the day like that. We only got up to shower and eat. I called my mother to let her know I was ok and then we went back to bed. It was a Saturday anyway.

* * *

 _Sorry I've been gone for so long. Everything has just been so stressful. This is kind of just a filler chapter and I'll get back to you all with a more exiting chapter soon hopefully._

 _-XOXO Loverseyes_


	17. Let's Talk Business

_"I was quite,_

 _I wasn't blind."_

 _-Jane Austen_

* * *

When Sunday rolled around, I was ill prepared. If anything I was dreading the news Peeta and Gale were going to tell me. I was up before even Peeta, who tended to get up early either because he couldn't sleep or his internal baker's clock told him it was time to wake up. I shifted slightly in Peeta's embrace trying to find the best way out without waking him up or him realizing that I had gotten up. Unfortunately I failed. Peeta ended up wrapping his arms around me tighter not allowing me to leave. He groaned, he knew today was the day and he was dreading it just as much as me.

Gently shoving his arms off me, I rose from the bed. If I laid there any longer I'd make myself sick with anticipation, something I couldn't afford to have happen to me today. Grabbing my clothes I went to take a shower

* * *

The hot water did something to my brain. It calmed it and the anxieties that lurked within. Peeta was sitting at the table, his foot rests shaking, his hands clenched tightly together. Seeing me he stood quickly, gently hitting the table and causing it to wobble. "Ready?" I nodded my head, I hadn't eaten yet and it looked like Peeta didn't either, but the shared look between us told me that if either of us tried to eat something, we would soon be sick. Walking to the door, Peeta followed sheepishly behind me. When we exited the house I subtly grabbed his hand. It was comforting the feel of his bigger hand in mine, dragging him along, I brought him to the gap in the fence, the gap I had not visited in so long. The woods stood tall, daunting as ever, but now they felt different. Almost unwelcoming, they were tainted with the memories of two best friends, now adding in someone else and an idea that was bound to get someone killed.

Gale met us at the usual meeting spot. Grabbing my bow and arrow I nodded backward to Gale, silently instructing him to go deeper as I pulled Peeta along. We moved slower then I would have moved alone, he was trying to be silent. Keeping his eyes trained on his leg as to not get it caught on a root. I tried not to rush him, but my hunter's instinct was telling me to move quickly. I was glad though, glad he was trying to be quite, glad he was being careful. I would have stayed there watching him, helping him all day if I could have, but Gale was waiting and we had so much to discuss.

Getting to the lake, Peeta threw himself down on my rock messaging the place where his real leg met his fake leg. Gale stood opposite of him, leaning against a tree trunk sharpening the head of his arrow, I stood in the clearing completing a simple triangle between the three of us.

"Ok, will someone now fill me in on what you have been planning." My voice came across as sharp, Gale raised an eyebrow at Peeta.

"Katniss," Peeta's voice sounded calm, almost as though he was talking to a young child. "Please understand this is not a fully thought out plan and anything could change at any moment. But, Gale and I have been talking, and we want to start a rebellion."

My jaw dropped, My head was spinning circles. I wasn't even I'd heard him right. "A Rebellion?"

"Yeah," Gale stood from his spot against the tree, "A rebellion. A war, get what it is we deserve because here under Snow, we sure are not being treated fairly."

A rebellion, it wasn't a terrible idea, if anything it was very appealing. The idea of being free, no games, no hunger, no faking. "We're not ready for that." The words left my mouth before I was able to even think about what I was saying.

Gale gave a gruff snort, "Whats stopping us? You fuelled it last year with the berries, why not turn it into a full blown flame?"

In an instant had snapped. I was standing face to face with Gale ready to tell him off. "Why not, maybe because this fire will spread past our control. Maybe because we as people are not ready for that you are proposing. I can't deal with this right now, you guys don't have a plan, you just have a mess of ideas. Thoughts you can't pull together."

"Haymitch." Peeta's voice echoed behind me. "Haymitch thinks it's a good idea, he said he can get a hold of some people, he said if you're in then we can follow through." There we go the words that mattered. Peeta was going to guilt trip me.

A selfish part of me wanted to say no, wanted to deny them the idea of my help and company, specifically for the sake of Gale. But then again, the idea of freedom was so tempting, Peeta looked so hopeful and encouraging he was going to guilt trip me into saying no, and me, I wasn't going to deny him anything. "Fine."

* * *

 _OMg I'm sorry it took me like years to post this but things have been going crazy, hopefully I'll be able to get back on track._

 _XOXO- Loverseyes_


	18. Too Good to be True

_"I'll Know my Weakness_

 _Know my voice,_

 _and this time believe_

 _In Grace and Choice"_

 _-Mumford and Sons_

* * *

I spent the next couple of days avoiding human contact. I would pace around town speaking to no one. Peeta often tried to keep up with me. Laughing at my change of speed whenever I saw him approaching.

He usually would just leave me be if he saw my pacing and that he was unwelcome but today was different. As I saw him walk out of his house I tried to pick up my speed, unfortunately, Peeta caught onto my plan and had ahold of my arm before I could even think of running. He grip was firm but not painful, I could easily wiggle out if I tried, but I didn't want to. I was enjoying the sensation of his hand on my palm. Turning my head I looked from his hand to his face. His face was stern. Seeing that he had my attention he took his opportunity to speak.

"The plans almost fully into place. You ready?"

I shook my head. I would never be ready for something so damning. Peeta let out a silent chuckle and took a step closer to me. He dropped his face close to my ear and breathed, "Katniss I have faith in you." His hot breath sent a jolt down my spine and before I was even fully aware of what I was doing I had grabbed Peeta's face and I had brought it closer to mine.

His arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe, protected, I stumbled into his chest. I wanted to close the gap between us. All the stress of the past few days was closing in and this was my release. Stepping backward without breaking the kiss, Peeta tried to lead me out of the road, but I wouldn't budge. He disconnected our lips with a chuckle my mouth trying to follow him for more.

"You deny me all those days of kissing you only to hit me again with a full blown make out?" Peeta's voice was light. I stepped out of his grasp, relishing in the sight of the pouty face he let out.

"A girls got to do what girls got to do."

"I'd do that again a thousand times if I could…" Peeta looked at the imaginary clock on his wrist, " unfortunately it's plan time."

Peeta grabbed my hand and almost yanked me to starts walking. His hands felt nice, oh how I had craved this. He leads me to the village. This had been where we had started to meet up now. Haymitch sat on a rock opposite our two tributes, who were losing time every time we met up to speak. I treated the three with a nod. Gale was usually here as well, but due to his work in the mines, there were often days when he could not make it. I didn't blame him, often I didn't want to come either.

"Welcome back you two," Haymitch said a slight smile on his lips. He eyeballed our faces, but we tried not to give anything away. "So, what have you two lovebirds been up to?" We didn't have time for this, in less than a week Bo and Ocenne would be heading for the Capital, meaning that in less than a month one or both of them will most probably be dead.

"Haymitch, please that can wait, right now we have to talk about the plan." Haymitch looked around, almost as though he was searching for someone.

"I don't see Gale around?"

"He couldn't make it."

"Then we have nothing to discuss." I was in ah I wasn't sure what to say luckily Peeta jumped in.

"Haymitch stop making jokes and tell us the plan." Haymitch gave Peeta and me a look.

"Don't the two of you understand, you're a hot commodity, I'm not going to tell you the plan until we are safely away and out of reach of the Capital. In other words, this meeting is done." Haymitch got up to leave passing by us with nothing more than a nod.

I looked at Peeta, his jaw was clenched, his hands fisting by his side. Odd, Peeta was usually the logical one. Though I was caught off guard, I still was not surprised by what Haymitch had said the plan seemed too good to be true.

Ocenne took a step towards Peeta as though to calm him down, she reached out a hand to put on his shoulder. She must have seen the look I gave because in an instant she dropped her hand and mumbled something that sounded like "I'm sorry," before shuffling off with Bo on her heels.

Seeing them both hurry off, I took a step towards Peeta. He was still fuming, rage filling him. "Peeta," at the sound of my voice he flinched. Lifting his head to look at me, slowly released his fists and jaw. Shaking his head, he turned on his heels and walked to his house, quietly, like someone who was trying no to disrupt the ashes of the dead. He shut the door without even looking back.

* * *

I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, school has been getting crazy and the stress is eating me alive. :)

Hope you enjoy XOXO- Loverseyes


	19. I Can Feel Your Pain

_"What good are wings_

 _without the courage to_

 _fly"_

 _-Atticus_

* * *

Although Peeta's anger did wear off, it never officially faded. The tension was obvious when we trained with our tributes. Much of the time, it felt more like he was training himself rather than our tributes. The weight he had gained from his time back after the games was quickly turning into muscle, Bo and Ocenne, unfortunately, were not as lucky. They got the most they could from the training, but their bodies were still so lean.

In two days they would be on a train. I didn't understand why they needed a reaping. There would be only one name set to be picked in the bowl.

Bo and Ocenne were taking it surprisingly well. They were calm. They didn't attempt to do anything irrational. It made me proud to be their mentor. They had learned so much. They had a chance in the games. Either way, hopefully, Haymitch's plan comes to action soon.

* * *

On the day of the reaping, the tension of the crowd was stressful. Peeta had walked me to the stage only to be bombarded with a pack of adoring fans. He tried to keep me glued to him. Using the arm he had wrapped around my waist to keep me there. I, unfortunately, did not feel welcome so I planted a kiss on his cheek before continuing up the path.

I found my mother and Prim near the stairs. Today, they would have no stress. We exchanged our greetings leaving our goodbyes for the time allowed to families before boarding.

Moving up the stairs, I saw the bright face of Effie. A smile was plastered on her lips but, it did not reach her eyes. Haymitch stumbled after her, his hair a mess. He had cleaned up nicely for the reaping, his face cleanly shaven and a clean shirt. He was following Effie like a puppy. Peeta, at that moment, had finally caught up to me. He grabbed my hand, which I had not realized I was clenching in a fist and started to talk with Effie. His eyes darted to Haymitch and spared him nothing but a slight nod. He was still upset at Haymitch.

Luckily Haymitch didn't seem to care. His eyes scanned the crowd. Looking at the faces of the children and adults who had prepared for the reaping.

As Peeta finished his chat with Effie, the peacekeepers rang their whistles. It was time for the reaping to begin. We took our seats, me in the middle, with Haymitch on one side and Peeta on the other. Peeta had withdrawn his hand from mine and instead laid it across the back of my chair, a calming gesture for such a moment. Peeta was still keeping up an act.

As always the Mayer came up and did his speech. He spoke of us three victors, and how lucky district twelve had been to have Peeta and I. As he wrapped up the speech, he offered the mic to us. We passed it around, introducing our names and years of winning. This was sure to be a brutal experience for those whose kids did not make it from last years game.

Passing the mic back to Effie, we got the show on the road. She stuck her hand into the bowls, moving as though the card would have a different name on it then the name of the person we had picked. As the card was pulled out, a sober Haymitch leaned towards me. "When you get on the train, go straight to your room, there's a letter from your mother there, grab it and bring it back to me." His voice was airy almost as though he had breathed into my ear. I did a microscopic nod, only those close to me would be able to see.

* * *

As the reaping finished off, out tributes were sent to their respective rooms to say goodbye while Peeta and I waved our goodbyes and ascended the train.

The train hadn't changed from last time. It still had the luxury of something from the capital. Pulling Peeta after me I ascended to our room - the Capital no longer gave us our own beds since we were technically married. Peeta settled on the bed, the feathery mattress giving way to the weight of his body. I walked to the bedside table grabbing the small note that was neatly folded. As I turned back to Peeta, he had his eyes closed and relaxed smile on his face, he was at peace, though I wasn't sure why. Walking to him I softly planted a kiss on his cheek before his arms descended on me. Knocking me into his chest causing me to lose my breath. "Where do you think you're going," he mumbled it into my neck. I tried to push up off his chest but his lips had successfully made a home on my neck and I was starting to cave.

"I...I...I need to give something to Haymitch."

"He can wait."

With his face no longer snuggled into my neck, I used this as my moment to push off, quickly following through with a walk out. I heard a groan escape Peeta but he did nothing to come after me. Good, I wouldn't be able to handle the distraction.

Peeta's behaviour, however, was slightly out of character, he was still putting on a show.

He was an excellent liar.

* * *

I found Haymitch in his usual spot. Sliding into the seat next to him, the bartender offered me a drink, which I politely declined, before looking at Haymitch. His eyebrows shot up in question as if to ask, 'What took you so long'. I shook my head. It was none of his business what went on behind closed doors. He let out a little chuckle and a small shake of his head, he knew what had kept me. He held out his hand, waiting for me to drop the letter in. I slipped it in as low key as I could before rising from my seat, giving Haymitch a curt nod, and walking down the hallway that leads to our living courters.

While I had been chatting with Haymitch, I had missed that our tributes had boarded the train. They were now sitting with Peeta, who was doing his best to comfort them. Unfortunately, the shock would last until they were in the games. Although they knew they were going to get picked, there was still a part of them that believed maybe it was still a lie, or that Haymitch would save them before it happened. I was hoping for that too, but I had learned not to hold too closely to my wishful thinking. It could be more destructive than anything.

Effie also was sitting in the room as well. She was patting Ocenne's back, trying to calm her nerves. She kept mentioning something of a token. I had a token last year, however, I never knew if Peeta did, he never mentioned one if he did.

Ocenne nodded her head-her tears having dried on her face- before rising from her seat and declaring she was going to shower.

Not long after, Bo rose as well, following down the same hallway. Soon it was just the three of us. Effie stood soon after, leaving in the direction in which she would find Haymitch, leaving me and Peeta sitting alone in the room.

"I can feel their pain," Peeta's voice rang solid through the room. "The distress, the pain, the realization, that most probably you won't come back." I snapped my head to him. I had felt that way as well, except for the fact that I had someone I cared about to come back to. Peeta had a family, but they never seemed to check on him. His dad was the only person who seemed to visit. Similar to Ocenne and Bo. I wasn't about to allow them to sulk, however. They would have one day, but tomorrow, we were getting to work.

"We can't afford to think like that." And with that I turned my back and returned to my sleeping quarters.

* * *

 _Sorry I'm making everyone wait for every update. You know how life is crazy._

 _Hope you enjoy_

 _-XOXO Loverseyes_


	20. Rivers in Your Mouth

_"Hold it in, they wouldn't let you out among the crowd_

 _Not like that these streets will tear you down_

 _How it is, under my skin_

 _Now you are, pictures of all you'll ever be"_

 _\- Ben Howard (River in Your Mouth)_

* * *

I spent much of the time in my room before dinner staring at the ceiling. I was unmoving, allowing the stillness of the room to swallow me. When the knock came on my door alerting me that it was time for dinner, I was shaken from my stupor. Rising from the bed I walked silently to the door, following the hallway to the dining room. I was the first person in the room, this rarely, if ever, happened. Haymitch came tripping in from the side of the room, stumbling his way over to me before sliding the note into my hand, before stumbling to his seat at the side of the table. Effie came in next gracefully sitting at the head of the table and offering her arms wide open welcoming me to pick a seat. Taking the seat opposite Haymitch, I sat awkwardly awaiting the others to arrive. Peeta came in next followed by Bo, they seemed to be having a silent conversation, ending it abruptly when they saw that there were others in the room. Peeta found his seat next to me and Bo across from him. He greeted me with a pleasant smile before swiftly sitting and turning his attention to the food. The food was being presented now and Ocenne still had not come.

Excusing myself, I rose from my seat to go check on her. Before I had time to even knock on her door, she had already opened it. Her hair sat in soft curls along her back, her clothing now casual, her face clean. "Oh, Katniss… I'm sorry I didn't see you there."

Still, in shock, I replied, "It's ok, I just came to check that you were ok. You were worrying us." At this her face fell, she looked as though she was going to burst into tears. At this I extended my hand, laying it comfortingly across her shoulder. "Want to talk about it."

At this, she gave me a slight nod before leading the way into the room. She sat on her bed while I pulled up a chair near the desk. "How do you do it Katniss. How do you live with the idea of knowing your life truly isn't yours?" Her question caught me off guard, it was such a genuine and realistic question.

"I don't" the words had left my mouth before I could even think of what I was saying. "I guess, after a certain amount of time, fighting becomes too much and the best thing you could do is just let fate take its turn." She nodded, this obviously wasn't the answer she wanted. If she wants a more insightful answer she should go to Peeta. "If you want to know more ask Peeta, he'll explain it better. We should go now, we don't want to keep everyone waiting." With this Ocenne rose from her seat, and with me following behind we went off to dinner.

* * *

Dinner went smoothly. There was little to no conversation. What conversation we did have was shallow and Capital like. After dinner, we all sat in the sitting area preparing for the recaps of the reapings to air. No doubt the careers would be the best of the best, specially picked by the victors, they would have everything on their side.

The reapings were on eventful due to the lack of volunteers. Only about four tributes name stuck with me, Lux, a small petite girl with vicious claws from district one, Malice, the large male tribute from district two who appeared to have pure force on his side. Mindy, a girl from district four with a wicked grin, and Decker, the boy tribute from 11 who seemed to have an uncanny resemblance to Thresh.

Our tributes closed the show. Their lean bodies a change to what was seen from the other districts. With a final comment from Ceaser, the viewing finished.

"So," Haymitch's voice rang out, "See anyone you might want to join alliances with?" Bo shrugged, he seemed indifferent towards the other tributes. Ocenne spoke up, however.

"Why are allies necessary? Can't it just be the two of us?"

At this Haymitch's eyebrows shot up, "So you've both agreed to be allies? Impressive. But, it is important to make friends so you won't be the first people targeted."

Ocenne shrugged at this and sank back into her seat. "Haymitch," Effie's voice called from the single person seat she was seated on, "Aren't you friends with the mentors from district 11."

Haymitch shot her a look, "Yes but see here, I am not the official mentor of this year's tributes, meaning, I will have little to no interaction with the other mentors. It's actually going to end up in the hands of these two social butterflies. Katniss you better pray that Peeta can get you contacted with some of the more desirable mentors." Was he hinting at Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason? Lucky me.

Shaking my head I turned my attention back to the task at hand. "Bo, Ocenne, I want you guys to go in there are show some skill. Not everything you have, just a little, just enough to make you desirable allies, that will hopefully get us on the right track." Peeta nodded in agreement.

"As of right now, our best option is to rest, tomorrow we will be in the Capital. We can talk more from there." With that, Bo and Ocenne excused themselves and headed off in the same direction.

As they left Haymitch chuckled, "Looks like you two have a plan."

Peeta spoke before I could, "Well as you remember we had a lot of help last year." His comment was sarcastic, Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"As I recall the two of you are still here so I couldn't have been that bad of a mentor."

"Oh no, you were just fantastic… Only not to me." This drew another chuckle from Haymitch.

"Sorry kid, I had to pick one of you. Unfortunately, both of you made it out and instead of having only one pain in the ass," He stared at me as he said this before turning his attention back to Peeta, "I have two. Now if you don't mind, I hear someone calling my name from the bar." With that he rose and walked in the opposite direction that Bo and Ocenne had left in, heading as he had mentioned, for the bar.

"Katniss, Peeta, maybe you should also take your own advice and head to bed. You as well have a big big day tomorrow." That was our cue. Peeta waited patiently for me to rise before following me out the door to our room. It felt odd having a conjoined room. Sure we were supposedly married, and we often shared a bed anyway, but the idea of starting the night together seemed new and scary.

As soon as we got into the room, I threw myself on the bed, Peeta followed his body shifting the weight of the bed causing me to rise slightly. I turned my face to him. His eyes we closed, face directed at the ceiling. Propping myself up on my elbows I admired his long eyelashes. His strong jaw relaxed. "What are you thinking Katniss?"

His question got me out of my stooper. Throwing myself back downI answered, "Nothing, I was just thinking." Peeta turned his face to me and before I could even think of what he was doing, he had rolled himself over so that he was placed on top of me. His elbows next to my face. Dropping his face next to mine he spoke.

"This is a good position we could use to talk. Nobody will suspect anything and either way," His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, "It's an excellent act if you ask me." This caused Peeta to chuckle, before once again dropping to a whisper. He dropped a kiss on my check, "What was it you were so urgent to give Haymitch earlier." The letter, I had completely forgot about it. It was still tucked into the waistband of my pants.

"Haymitch said there was a letter in my room. He took it did something and returned it. I haven't looked at it yet though." Peeta nodded his head, dropping another kiss to my jaw.

"You promise to tell me after." His breath was hot on my face. I nodded, bringing my lips up to meet his. He, unfortunately, had other ideas, he pulled his face away from my lips and brought it back to my jaw line. "Promise you'll tell me."

"I… I promise." His lips left a trail up the side of my face before he finally brought them to my lips. Before closing the distance he spoke.

"We should probably go to bed." And with that he tried to pull himself off me, I, however, was having none of that. He can't just tease me like that. Pushing up on his chest I used that as momentum to throw myself on top. Peeta's eyes sparkled. "What do you plan on doing?" Nothing. I was smaller than Peeta and he could easily overpower me but I wanted to test my luck. Patting his chest gently I reached for the waistband of my pants. Peeta's eyes widened as they followed my hand. Good. Raising my shirt slightly I grabbed at the note, bringing it back up. Peeta's eyes stayed on my hand the whole time. Bringing my face to his neck, I used the space between our bodies to hide the note. Repeating what Peeta had done I placed a kiss on his neck. The scruff of his face slightly scratchy against my skin, I started to read, keeping my lips so close to his skin that the outside eye would think I was kissing his jaw.

I need you to get to know Johanna and Finnick. They are on the plan too. They will be your best hope. Get yourselves situated with them and try to act as though you know nothing. Once again, the less you know, the better. After reading this note, burn it or dissolve it in water. Swallow it for all I care. Do anything that will hide the evidence.

The note ended abruptly there. Peeta let out an exasperated breath. "Well, at least we'all be making friends."

"Easy enough for you to say." I retorted. Peeta once again taking control rolled us again so I was on my back. From the outside eye this was just play, the two of us rolling back and forth seeing would would end up in control.

"Hey not my fault everyone not as naturally charming as me." With that his lips finally descended on mine. The anticipation of the moment had left me breathless. My skin was hot and clammy. It seemed however, to end too quickly. Peeta pulling away and rising from my body, releasing the cage he had trapped me in. I sat up after him. "Well, I'm going to take a shower." And with that he closed the door leaving me alone in the room.


	21. The Beginning of the End

_"The end of the affair_  
 _The weight of the world_  
 _The kindness gone to bed_  
 _It's free of your laughter_  
 _Alive after all_  
 _Did he hear, did he hear_  
 _The fumbled words he said"_

 _-Ben Howard (End of the Affair)_

* * *

The night seemed to go by smoothly. My sleep was not plagued with nightmares tonight thanks to Peeta's large body next to me. "Someone slept like a baby last night." Peeta let out with a little chuckle. Due to our time in the hunger games, we had both been acquainted with light sleeping. The most subtle movement or noise would draw us both from our sleep. Most nights it was my harsh nightmares that would wake us both up. Peeta often stated that he didn't mind being woken. He didn't sleep that much anyway and often my screaming would draw him out of his own paralyzing nightmares. I never really knew when Peeta was having a nightmare. Unlike me, he did not thrash and scream, he was more quiet, often paralyzed from moving, somewhere before asleep and awake. Although my nightmares were a curse, I appreciated the fact that they often may have helped Peeta.

Raising my head from where it rested on his chest I shot him a shy smile. Pushing off his chest, I looked at the clock that hung on the far wall. Effie has not come to wake us so it must not be breakfast time yet, but one glance at the clock told me it was 8:30. As if on cue, a sharp knock hit the door followed by the high pitched voice of Effie telling us to rise and shine, followed by the clicking of her heels as she continued down the hall.

* * *

When we were all seated for breakfast, the mood was slightly gloomy. Haymitch stumbled in late as always, a scowl on his face followed by an equally upset Effie. Ocenne and Bo walked in a second before them, their faces bowed in shame, well that's one way to start a morning. As everyone got into their seats, Haymitch mumbled something about romance and shot a look at Bo. Peeta and I exchanged unsure looks. I quickly shoved a crescent in my mouth so as to not make a remark or ask another question.

Grabbing his coffee, Haymitch cleared his throat, "So tonight we will be in the Capital. You two know what that means?" His question was directed at me and Peeta. We both gave a quick nod in unison. Haymitch turned back to Bo and Ocenne, "In the meantime, you too can't do anything dumb. It's hard enough keeping two of you alive I don't need a third one." Once again, Peeta and I exchanged a look. Was Haymitch implying what we thought he was? Oh God, I hope not. If he was, that wasn't going to work, he wouldn't let two victors walk out again, especially if they were both from district twelve. We'd be lucky if we were even able to keep one of them alive

"Haymitch is right." My voice broke the silence that had settled over us, "We have to be smart with our actions and what we are doing. We can't afford for our minds to wonder." We all settled into a tense silence.

As we continued eating, Peeta leaned closer to me, his lips closer to my ear, "Did you know about this." I shook my head and gave a slight shrug. Much like Peeta, I was kept in the dark on any possible romantic relationships.

Leaning back towards him I whispered, "People always keep me in the dark when it comes to romance." This drew a chuckle from Peeta. Straightening back in my seat, I reached for one of the presents, but before my hand was able to land on one, the sound of a crowd vibrated through the walls. Our heads shot to our right. The window that earlier showed the environment was now crowded by people. A similar sight to last year. Last year, before we had even stepped off the train, Peeta and I were already celebrities. This year was the same. The only difference was that last year we had been tributes and this year we were victors.

Not standing from his seat, Peeta shot a charming smile over his shoulder. Several people swooned, fanning their already bright faces. "Look at that, the Capitals favorite victors are here. And what that means for your tributes, is that they are also Capital favorites." Haymitch spoke over the roaring crowd. "Now, all of your go to your rooms and get yourselves ready, we have an audience to meet."

* * *

The roaring of the crowd was deafening. Sweaty hands reaching out to touch us, voices screaming for our attention. Smiles plastered on faces that were not as happy as they seemed. My hand clung to Peeta's. His face set in a stony smile. Now and then, he would catch the eyes of Capital girls and he would wink, squeezing my hand a little tighter each time he did so. I was glad Peeta was with me, the men of the Capital were looking at me like I was meat, but wrapping my arm around the bicep of the hand I was holding helped to keep the hungry men off. Our victors walked behind us Effie between them. They were smiling, big toothy smiles, like those of a young child who had tasted cake for the first time. The smiles didn't reach their eyes. Their stares were blank, only holding meaning when they glanced at each other or one of us. Haymitch walked in front of us. For once in his life he was sober, he was also the winner of the 50th games, this meant that this year he would be one of the bigger stars. He was moving people out of the way, not sparing even a glance at half of the Capital citizens who were fighting for his attention.

He lead us to the front of the tribute center. This one was entirely brand new. The windows clean and the building towering over our heads. We, however, did not stop to bask in its beauty, we had somewhere else to be. Pushing through the door, someone roughly grabbed me by the shoulder and brought me close to them. The sudden rush of movement also pushed Peeta off balance, causing him to wobble a little on his bad leg before steadying himself and following our still connected arms to the person who had brought me to them. Several cameras clicked in our faces before several mics were shoved under our noses. Haymitch, having noticed we were missing once he had gotten everyone inside and had come to search for us, shoved the mics out of our faces. With a stern look, he told the reporters we had somewhere to be before grabbing my free arm and bringing me and Peeta back to the entrance of the tribute center. "Can't you two stay out of trouble for just one day."

"It's a talent we have," Peeta chuckled, "Getting into trouble. You should try it sometime I bet you'd enjoy it." Haymitch made a grumbling noise at this comment before walking to the elevator so we could head to the top. Our tributes had already gone up, having not wanted to also get dragged away if they waited. That was a good idea, they didn't want to end up like me and Peeta.


	22. You Left Me Here Tonight

_"I've been smoking a lot,_

 _And starting to doubt,_

 _If I'm breathing you in._

 _Or smoking you out."_

 _-Keaton Henson_

* * *

The ringing of the elevator having reached its destination echoed through the hollow halls. The light from the room bounced off the porcelain white walls. An Avox met us at the door of the suite. Taking our coats before bowing their heads and turning to put them away. The training center felt prestige. The new design was spotless.

Making our way into the next room, we settled into a calm pass. None of us were in any rush to begin prepping for the games. Haymitch turned to us, a grim expression layering his aged face, "As we get closer to the games you two have to watch your backs. Make some friends, be approachable." His advice was subtle, but Peeta and I got the message hidden underneath. We had to be careful.

Being careful wasn't really something new to us. Since returning from the games we had to be careful with everything, who we talked to, what we talked about, and where we said it. The Capital was always watching, and now with two more seemingly troublesome victors, the Capital had to keep us under control. We all learned quickly to speak in code. Peeta was the best of all of us. A lie spilled so easily from his mouth. He was a seamless talker, Always had been and always would be. Me on the other hand, I was sloppy, my ideas often got jumbled in my head and more than not I slipped up on a couple of words revealing my whole plan. Haymitch was a decent moderate. Having had the most practice he was good at going about it, but he was not as seamless as Peeta.

Having gotten Haymitch's point, Peeta rocked from side to side, debating his response. I was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to sleep, I hope that message came across to Peeta.

Nodding to himself, he responded with a simple statement as for how we would meet with other victors after dinner, before leading me to our room.

The room smelled intoxicating. A heavy waft of roses stung in the air. My stomach had dropped the instant I had walked in. Snow had left a bouquet of flowers for us. Artificial flowers linked to death. Before I could even think I had run to the bathroom and threw up what little I had eaten for breakfast.

* * *

While I had been throwing up, Peeta had made it a point to get the roses out of the room and decontaminate the room. Bringing me a glass of water, he patted my back gently comforting me through the violent fits of vomit that rattled my body. When my body had decided that was enough, tears had begun to escape my eyes. Fat wet tears that you couldn't control. The kind that you would usually imagine a toddler having rolled down my face. The water cold against my flaming skin.

Peeta gently lifted me from the ground. Patting my face with a damp washcloth he carried me to bed and set me down. The roses had been removed long before, the window propped open to cleanse the room of the scent. The feathery mattress sunk under my skin as Peeta gently put me down. Elevating my head gently and pulling a light blanket from the side of the bed to cover me.

It was sweet. Peeta was always so sweet. So selfless. Me on the other hand, I was selfish and rough. I owed Peeta so much.

While I was too busy thinking, Peeta had sunk onto the bed next to me. Keeping a safe distance away as to not jar me and bring the ranks of throw up back again. Turning my face to him I looked at him. He was laying on his back his face pointed at the ceiling, his eyes closed. I willed them to open. I wanted to drown in his blue eyes. Turning his face, a light smile grazed his lips.

"What is it with you always staring at me?" His eyes remained closed while he said that though his face held in the shape of laughter.

"Thank you." The words fluttered out before I could think of something better to say. It seemed stupid to say it now. Of course, he was supposed to do something like that. We were supposed to be in love. Peeta, however, blew it off as though it was nothing. Finally lifting his eyelids, the blues of his eyes shown.

"You know if I wasn't feeling like hell right now, I'd probably kiss you."

"I don't blame you." This brought a smile to both of our faces. Turning my face back towards the ceiling, I huffed out a breath.

"You're going to have to go to dinner without me."

"What why?" Peeta seemed surprised. But we couldn't let our tributes down, the least we owed them was our attention. Hearing this Peeta agreed. He told me that I should probably try to sleep. And sleep I did.

* * *

I dreamed that night that I was chasing something, or rather someone. The face of the person was laughing, almost as though we were playing a childish game of tag. The closer I got to the face the more visible it became. It was a child, not more than five. Their blond curls flying in the wind. A loud giggle escaped their lips. Taking a sharp turn, the child disappeared behind me. Turning to look where the girl had gone, I saw nothing. The skyline has turned a shade of gray, the laughter had stopped. Looking down, I saw that the child lay on the ground. Her limbs contorted in odd angles. Her eyes lay open. The beginning of a scream still on her lips. Looking towards the sky, I saw the parachutes, but before I could reach out for them I woke with a start.

I was paralyzed. A cold sweat ran down my face. Who was the child? Her blond hair looked so much like Peeta's, but Peeta was nowhere in my dream. Maybe the girl was nothing but a figment of her imagination. Something her mind had made up after her fit earlier. Maybe the roses had brought on this dream. I hadn't had a nightmare in so long it seemed off that it happened now. Although I still felt weak, I pushed the blankets off. I could not stand to sit here any longer. I needed to get food. I needed to take my mind off of Snow and the destruction he had caused to my life.


	23. Survivor

_"Dreaming of wonderlands,_

 _Waking to wastelands"_

* * *

Walking out of the room, it was obvious that dinner had ended. The load rumblings of a TV laugh came from the living room. Obviously, it was Caesar Flickerman, and as always he was recapping the arrival of the victors and the tributes. His powdery blue tint now replaced with a lavender. His brilliant smile shined through his purple lips. His laugh echoed through the room followed by a couple of groans.

Getting closer to the TV, the handsome face of Finnick Odair was spread across the screen. He seemed distressed, pulling the arm of an older girl behind him quickly so as to get out of the view of the spotlight.

"Who's that with Finnick," I casually asked, leaving the question in the air for anyone to answer.

Haymitch, who had a bottle in his hand and his head thrown back against the recliner laughed. "That right there sweetheart, is Annie Cresta. She won the games a couple years back. She doesn't come often though, rumor has it she's not in her right mind."

Annie Cresta, the name rung a bell. She had one the games about five years back. That was the year of my first reaping. Oh how thankful I had been at the time that it had not been me who had been picked. She had one her games at the time due to a damn breaking causing the whole arena to overflow. Being from district four, her skill in swimming was remarkable and she was able to outlast many of the other tributes with her skill.

She never used to visit the games after her win. It was mentioned that she might have extreme PTSD or something along those lines that will just cause her to destroy herself. Usually, the victor who often visits from district four is Finnick. Not only is he one of the capital's favorites, but the tributes love him too.

Suddenly, the screen changed from Finnick's shining face to me and Peeta's. We both looked surprised, our arms straightened. My face looking behind me to see if Peeta was following and his training on our hands to make sure we didn't lose contact. Right there on that moment on the screen, we could have competed with Finnick and Annie. Our faces were set, but still, they shined radiantly. We looked spectacular. Our outfits were fitting and the people around us were calling out to us.

"Ahh and here are my favorite victors!" Caesar's voice rang through the room. The crowd in front of him rumbled. "It seems our star-crossed lovers have been up to a lot in their time away. Just look at their completions they're practically glowing." This caused a slight blush to dust my skin due to my olive skin. Peeta, however, was less fortunate, he turned beet red, his eyes looking to mine before mumbling something that sounded similar to, "we haven't even done anything."

This caused Haymitch to chuckle but he didn't bother to move his head. After our picture came up our tributes. The also seemed to be holding hands, vigorously being pushed forward by Haymitch who seemed to be pushing the crowd back. "It seems that district 12 may have another set of lovers Ohh." Oh no, no, no, no, no. This was not good. "Tomorrow our tributes start the first day of training, good luck to you all, and may the odds be ever in your favors." And with a charming smile, the mandatory viewing ended.

Looking behind me, I tried to catch the eyes of our tributes. I had no doubt that my stare was terrifying. This was obvious by the way they weren't meeting my eyes.

This was what caused me to snap, "What are the two of you thinking? Are you trying to put targets on your backs?" Peeta stood he seemed ready to tackle me if I went too far. Putting my hand out in a single that meant stop he nodded, but stayed standing in his place. "The game makers won't let you get out of it this year. They barely let us get out of it last year, the won't make the same mistake. I don't care if you two love each other…"

"Katniss," Peeta was trying to cut me off but I wasn't done.

"That technique has already been used…"

"Katniss," There was a warning in his voice.

"Look at us if you don't bel…" And with that, Peeta lunged. It was almost like a wild animal. He was so fast, that I hadn't even had time to think about what was happening before my body toppled over, Peeta's covering mine. He had effectively gotten me to stop talking, knocking the breath right out of my lungs. I was able to throw my hands down digging them into the squishy carpet that lay across the floor for the rest of my body hit. Peeta was able to keep his body from crushing me using his feet and arms to land him in a plank position above me. He had trapped me between his arms and his body. There was nowhere to go.

Haymitch, sensing the tension in the room was on his two feet watching us. Peeta and I were digging knives into one another with our eyes, seeing who the first one to give in would be. We didn't often fight, but when we did, it was often me that would snap first, and Peeta who would follow suite.

Haymitch, sensing that Peeta and I weren't likely to move anytime soon dismissed our tributes. Telling them to go to their OWN rooms and not to come out until they were called upon. Bo broadened his shoulders as though he was looking for a fight but our look from the three of us (Peeta and me, having turned our faces to now aim our eyes at our tributes) told them otherwise. Ocean had already bolted from the room the moment the conflict had started. As Bo walked down the hallway, Peeta and I returned our starres to one another. Haymitch stumbled towards us, trying to pull on Peeta's body to get him off me. However, Peeta's a wrestler, he knew how to make himself heavy. Relaxing his arms and legs, he fell completely on top of me once again knocking the breath out of my lungs. The only thing keeping him from crushing me was the small amount of weight he held on his elbows. With a grumble Haymitch shook his head and left the room, seeing as nothing would be resolved with him in the room it was probably best he left.

Seeing that he had departed the room I began to flail. Throwing my limbs at Peeta attempting to hit whatever I could. The punches I was throwing were hitting him in the chest but didn't actually seem to be doing anything to Peeta. Once again propping himself up on his hands, he grabbed for my arms, encasing them in his arms and once again immobilizing me.

"Stop that," Peeta said, this caused me to flail, even more, throwing my head forward in hopes that I could bonk his.

"Katniss seriously."

"LET ME GO."

"Not until you calm down." His voice was calm in opposition to mine. Deadly.

"I am calm." I spit the words in his face, once again throwing my head up.

"Wow," Peeta chuckled, Bad Timing, "If this is your cal…"

At this exact moment, it seemed as though I got a sudden burst of strength with all my might, I pushed my head up hitting him right in the teeth. Peeta let out a howl of pain, before removing his right hand from where it was encapsulating my fist and bringing it to his mouth.

"Don't laugh at me." I was throwing my fist at him with everything I had. I was mad. Mad at our tributes, at the Capital, at Snow, at Peeta. I was mad at things I probably had no reason to be mad about but letting my rage out was relieving. "Don't laugh at me…"

My voice had faded. The flailing of limbs had stopped. I laid limp underneath him. A wretched sob escaped my mouth before the tears came falling. Now, rather than throwing my head up to hit Peeta, I was throwing my head back against the carpet.

Peeta, having been caught off guard by the sudden change in mood, brought his other hand behind my head, causing him to shift his weight to his elbows again. He was trying to use his hand as a cushion. This only caused me to throw my head back harder.

Peeta tried to grab my head, and a couple of times he succeeded. Eventually, he gave up, realizing that sooner or later I was going to tire myself out and stop.

He was right. I stopped soon after, laying my head in his hand and turning my face away so I wouldn't have to look at him. Finally, he spoke, "I'm sorry for laughing at you." This caused the tears to come down harder. "Katniss I know you're stressed, but this is not a healthy way to let it out." He was right, like always. However, I didn't know how to change, I had lived nearly my whole life with this habit. I was personally surprised it had not happened earlier.

Peeta gently pushed himself off of me with one hand. I place on his jaw where I had head butted was swollen. I wouldn't be surprised if he had several bruises from my flailing tomorrow. Offering me a hand, I did not take it. Not because I hadn't wanted to, or to prove a point. Just because my arms felt as though they were unable to move. My whole body felt paralyzed. Peeta sensing this got down on his knees and turned me so I was laying on my side, before hoisting me into his arms. I felt weak. This was the second time today that I had needed Peeta's help in rising. I was becoming weak and I hated it. Probably the only thing between me and an addiction was Peeta.

Peeta gently carried me to the room, before laying me on the bed. My body still felt so weak. The only thing I seemed to be able to move was my head. As he set me down, I watched him. The way his eyebrows released the tension they had been holding and the way his jaw slackened. The way his blue eyes held a fire so different than mine. And although it was different, it still was so similar.

Laying me down completely on the bed, Peeta turned his face away. Aggressively running his hands through his hair. I opened my mouth. I wanted to draw his attention back to me, to tell him I didn't mean what I said and was going to say, but nothing came out. If he had turned his face he probably would have seen me looking at him. My mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish.

Turning around again, Peeta walked back towards me. I tried to close my eyes like I had when I was younger. Trying in vain to pretend that I was sleeping.

"I know you're not asleep," Peeta's voice came up barely above a whisper. I shook my head in response using the weight of my head to bring my body to the side. "Don't go weak on me now Katniss." Peeta's voice was so quiet I was afraid I was mishearing him, "You've always been a survivor, you can survive anything. Don't let these overwhelming emotions break you." Peeta laid a kiss on my forehead. I wanted to ask him what he meant but I still couldn't speak, and he had seemingly locked himself in the bathroom.

"What did I ever do to deserve you." The words came out as a whisper. But nobody was in the room to hear the person who I spoke these words for had hidden from me, and now I lay on the bed unable to move thinking only of how irrational and inconsiderate I had been.


	24. Dwale

Disclaimer: anything that looks like it came from the book did. Want to give my credit here.:)

* * *

 _'You inspire the devil_

 _in me'_

 _-Nicole Lyons_

* * *

Johanna Mason found me in the elevator. Not like I was trying to run for her, I was just hoping that when we met I'd be with Peeta.

She said nothing as she entered the elevator, checking around as though to see if maybe Peeta has somehow blended himself into the glass before give me a side smirk. She stepped in next to me. Standing here next to her, I was surprisingly underwhelmed. The TV always portrayed her differently. Or so I thought.

The moment Johanna Mason opened her mouth, I felt the fiery attitude that she was often attributed to having. She was a pistol. When she went off there was no stopping her. Her words also knew just where to hit to wound you if that's what she wanted. Lucky for me, she didn't actually ever talk to me.

Finnick entered the elevator with us. His golden hair smoothed back and his seamless face thrown into a light smile. When he saw Johannah he greeted her with a tight hug. He then shot me a smile.

"Look at you Katniss Everdeen walking the halls of the training center without Peeta. Where's the boy at today?" Finnicks smug smile grew, Katniss had the urge to knock him in the face much like she had with Peeta last night. That would stop him from talking.

Peeta, however, was still upstairs. The moment everyone saw the swelling of his jaw they freaked. He tried to tell them he was fine but his slurred words told them otherwise. They proceeded to harshly press an ice pack to his face before shoving him into a room. Haymitch following shooting a look at me before the door closed behind him. I had spent some time up there wondering the halls waiting for Peeta to be finished, but he was taking time, and I was getting restless. Our tributes had left for their training much earlier in the day, escorted down by Effie after getting a small prep talk from Haymitch.

"Peeta unfortunately, could not make it. So sad he won't have the pleasure of your company."

"That is truly unfortunate," Finnick let out a slight chuckle. Before any more could be said, the elevator opened with a ding. The glass elevator now opening to another white room. Finnick led the way out of the elevator, not checking to see if we would follow. Johannah followed behind him swiftly, and me realizing there was really nowhere else I could go, willed my feet to walk forwards and follow Johannah. The room was vacant except for a projector, and a couple tinier screens laid across the opposing wall. There was a small couch thrown in the middle of the room.

"If you were wondering," Johanna's voice echoed through the room, "It's not usually this empty. It usually gets fuller the closer we get to the games." Makes sense.

It turns out the careers don't usually like to come down here. They only come down if there is someone in a lower district they want to let into their pack or when the games start to watch their tributes.

"What do you guys usually do when you're down here?" I asked, turning my attention back to Finnick and Johanna.

They laughed, "That's right," Finnick chuckled, " I forgot that you and Peeta are married, and not to mention you're brand new victors. It's a shame honestly, you could have made out like a bandit in the capital. Jewels, money, anything you wanted."

"That could still happen," Johanna piped in.

Feeling slightly insulted by what Finnick had said I went in to defend myself, "Trust me I don't like jewels and I have more money than I need. What do you spend all yours on anyway Finnick?"

"I haven't dealt with anything like money in years."

"Then how do people pay for the pleasure of your company?"

"With secrets," his voice had once again dropped to that soft purr. Exchanging a glance with Johanna he spoke again, "What about you Girl on Fire? Do you have any secrets worth my time."

I felt my cheeks getting hot, I was blushing. Luckily, my olive skin did a good job of masking it. "I'm an open book, everyone seems to know my secrets before I do."

"I'm afraid you're right." Finnick chuckled. "I'll see you again I'm sure, say hi to Peeta for me will you." He had coated his words with sarcasm and with a genial wave, he and Johanna were out the door.

I was now alone in the room. The silence bounced off the walls. When I felt as though I could sit no longer without going mad I jumped to my feet and returned back to our floor.

I wish I hadn't, because the moment I walked in a something inside me had snapped, leading to a chain of other events.


	25. See That too

_'It's amazing how much noise_

 _people ignoring_ _each other_

 _can make'_

 _-Anonymous_

* * *

Walking into our floor I was met with two avoxs. One I recognized from last year and another I recognized from somewhere else. A friend, someone who used to make sarcastic comments and protect those around him. I was staring into the green eyes of Darius.

I felt the air leave my lungs. My head felt light, my knees were going to buckle anytime if I didn't leave while I still could. While I stood here staring at the face of Darius, I tried to keep my face from showing any emotion, I knew even the slightest look of recognition would get him into endless amounts of trouble. Doing my best to not acknowledge them I walked past them to my room, even though it wasn't really my room anymore. Although Peeta and I had not actually had our wedding yet, Effie had gotten sick of our night meetings and requested that we were just given one room. At the time the idea had not sat well with me. As a matter of fact, it still doesn't sit well with me. It felt mocking, as though Snow was using this single room against us, forcing us to pay for something that had happened in the last games.

Opening the door to the room, I was met with a letter on our bed. The handwriting was elegant and swirly, it looked to be an invitation.

 _Hello Victors of the 74th Hunger Games,_

 _You are welcome tonight to the annual hunger games gala. This is a part ranging from the first day of training to the beginning of the games. Food, drinks, and dancing. The guests are all exclusively picked. We do hope you attend._

 _Sending you our best,_

 _The Hunger Games Crew._

The letter felt like a threat rather than a friendly invitation. I threw it onto the dresser. I guess we really had no choice but to attend.

Feeling still unsettled by the sight I had seen, I tried to lay down. But I felt restless.

Peeta entered the room shortly after me. He looked stressed out but his face looked better than it had yesterday. Stumbling towards the dresser he picked up the note. When he finished reading it he set it back down and finally turned his attention back to me.

"You saw it too?" Although he didn't mention what it was he saw it was obvious what he was talking about. I nodded my head, sitting up on my palms so as to have a proper conversation. "Heard you went down to the victor's lounge earlier."

I shrugged, "The place was highly , I did stumble into some victors. Its weird you know, to now consider ourselves part of their crowd." Peeta nodded he knew what I meant.

"What are we going to do about this dinner?"

"Do we really have a choice?"

"I guess not," He agreed. Guess we were going to have to go and party with these people.


	26. Tell Me a Lie

_"When you're dumb enough for long enough,_

 _you're gonna meet someone too smart to love you,_

 _and they're gonna love you anyway,_

 _and it's gonna go so poorly"_

 _-Neil Hilborn_

* * *

All eyes were on us since the moment we entered the party. Although neither of us were too thrilled to have actually gone to the party, we still put on our game faces. Cinna and Portia had dressed us beautifully, we were fiery. Me, in a rather tight black dress with gold feather accents, and Peeta in a similar suit, with a gold bow. We both were breathtaking.

When we had stepped out of the car, Peeta had made a point to grab my hand. We were going in there as a team, and the Capital wasn't about to catch us off guard.

The party was rather dull in my opinion. There was music and food, and endless amounts of people, but the party still seemed boring. Peeta made a point to wrap his arm tightly around my waist. He must have seen the look on some of those in the capitals faces. I appreciated the gesture, stepping rather close to him. People pulled us over, asked for pictures and autographs. A kiss on the cheek here, a hug there, the capital was loving it.

Peeta and I, now even better at playing for the cameras, did more. We kissed and whispered and stood so close to each other it was almost intoxicating.

When we danced, Peeta kept little space between us, only breaking away when others requested a dance. He kindly passed me to them even though I didn't want him to go. Most of the men of the capital held me at a respectable distance, but there was still the few who saw no boundaries.

As the party went on later through the night, the drinking became heavier. The food was taken off the table and replaced with alcoholic content. The room was hot and there was no real place to escape to without running into cameras. Each time someone came to talk to Peeta and me, they brought along a drink, and us, out of kindness, drank.

Unfortunately for us, Snow made an appearance towards the end of the night. Raising a glass of blood red alcohol in respect for a new year of games. His eyes flickered to mine as he drank the red fluid. I grabbed on to Peeta, I was feeling suddenly unstable. The drink in his glass looked so much like blood. Red and thick and sickening in a way that makes people queasy. I alternately blamed the sick feeling on the alcohol, saying that I thought I had had a little too much. Peeta seemed to agree, catching me as I swayed on my heels.

As the clock struck midnight, the party seemed to pick up. People were now swaying endlessly across the floor. Others had run to the bathroom to throw up what their bodies could not handle. Capitalists were asking around for someone they could take home. Peeta and I stayed. We could likely leave at any time, but it seemed inconsiderate to leave early for a party that was held for us, so we stayed and danced and drank.

I was thankful when the party seemed to finally be coming to an end. My head was swimming with alcohol, and I was struggling to keep myself upright. Peeta, who had had the same amount to drink as I, however, appeared to be taking it fine. Wishing the remaining guests a good night, we followed them out. My feet were killing me, I was exhausted and this dress was about two sizes too tight. Taking a step forward I stumbled onto Peeta who caught me gracefully, maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but that moment in his arms, all I wanted to do was kiss him. Leaning forward I brought my face close to his and I kissed him slowly and deeply.

"You're drunk," Peeta whispered it against my lips but made no attempt to pull away.

"So," I breathed onto his. We were married I could kiss him whenever I wanted. Peeta pulled away first gently nudging me into the car, before going in after me. Peeta seemed to be keeping a safe distance away from me in the car. Was he afraid I would jump him?

As my thoughts continue to wrestle, I come to the conclusion that I am drunk, not crazy. Pulling me out of the car Peeta guides me to the elevator, I still stumble on every step, and the heels only make it harder for me. When we are in the elevator, Peeta once again steps away. "I'm not going to jump you," I say not looking at him.

"Katniss I know."

"Then why won't you touch me. You're doing the bare minimum. That's my job." Peeta lets out a chuckle.

"Of course how could I have forgotten. You're a terrible actress." He was trying to get a rise out of me, and me being drunk, I only added to it.

"I'm not a terrible actress."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah."

"Tell me a lie Katniss."

"I love you," The words slipped out before I even had a moment of logical thought. Stupid alcohol.

"Now tell me a truth." I was so stuck in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed that Peeta had taken a step closer to me. He was dangerously close, the smell of him only adding to my intoxication.

"I'm drunk."

"And I won." And with that, his lips are on me. Maybe Peeta is drunker than I had thought. It didn't matter much though, all that mattered at that moment was Peeta. His hands had homed in on my waist and I had pressed my body into his. Our mouths moving furiously. Maybe the alcohol was just adding us.

Peeta pulled me roughly towards him until there was little to no space between us. I let out a silent moan as he moved his face along my jaw. I almost shoved him off me when I opened my eyes and came face to face with an amused Haymitch.

Pushing a resistant Peeta off me, I tried to straighten myself out. Peeta finally had seen Haymitch and guiltily bowed his head. He looked how I imagined he would look if my mother walked in on us.

Haymitch let out a quiet chuckle, "Stayed up this whole time waiting for you. Now I'm feeling bad." Pushing past Peeta I stepped out of the elevator

"I don't think I know what you're talking about." I retorted before stumbling off in my heels.

"She's drunk," Peeta murmured to Haymitch as he stumbled off after me.

"She's not the only one," Haymitch called back after us.

LINE BREAK

The morning lights were too bright, the pounding of Effie's fist on my door too loud, and the room too hot. Beside me, Peeta seemed to be shoving his face deeper into the devoted to block out the pounding. Throwing myself out of the bed I opened the door, an unhappy scowl on my face.

"Oh dear, you look awful. Clean yourselves up, breakfast is almost ready." With that Effie pattered down the hall. Closing the door gently, I returned to the bed. My head was pounding.

"Get up." I poked Peeta in the face, this only resulted in him moaning and turning his face away. Fine. I nudged at his legs with mine. Gently applying more pressure until I had successfully gotten him to roll off the bed. He hit the floor with a heavy bang, the noise made me wince.

"I'm up," Peeta muttered as he picked himself up off the floor. Not even sparing me a glance, he took his clothes and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I took this time to clean myself up. Somehow from the night before I had made my way out of my dress but remand in my under clothes. As Peeta finished his shower, I took his place, trying to clear my obviously hungover self with the warm water.

When I got to breakfast, it appeared that I wasn't the only person who was unhappy to be awake. Bo and Ocenne sat with their eyes closed, Effie nudged them every few minutes to make sure they didn't dose off. Peeta had his back turned to the window, a strong cup of black coffee in his hands. He was attempting to massage his temples but seemed to be throwing his attempt in vain. Haymitch, on the other hand, looked cheery. Unlike his usually drunk self, he was sober, throwing jokes at Peeta and me, jokes we were too hung over to even understand. Getting sick of Haymitch's attempt at humor I broke in, "How has training been?"

All eyes turned to Bo and Ocenne. Ocenne just shrugged, Bo, however, spoke up, "The other tributes are rather scary." I snorted, this was the hunger games what else was he expecting.

"I think we stand a fair chance," Ocenne broke in, her eyes now burning a hole in Bo's. He seemed to cower at the look she was giving him

"I don't mean we don't stand a chance. Just that I was surprised."

"Not the sunshine and rainbows you were expecting?" Ocenne mocked.

"No," Bo snapped back. Peeta sensing the tension between the two broke in.

"You guys good?"

"What do you think?" Ocenne snapped at him.

Me, suddenly feeling defensive tried to rise to protect Peeta but I was stopped by what he said next. "Lovers quarrel?" The question sounded almost hypocritical coming out of his mouth. Had he forgotten what had happened yesterday? Lordy, I hope so.

"Just kiss and make up," Haymitch said as he rose from his seat to reach for a muffin.

Effie, always concerned about her schedule, chose that moment to let out a cry and hurry our victors to the elevator.

"What was that about?" Peeta asked Haymitch when they disappeared behind the metal doors of the elevators.

"I think that somebody wants and alliance and the other doesn't."

"Whats wrong with that?" I questioned.

"They were wanting to go into the games as their own team, but if one thinks they are heavily outnumbered and the other doesn't, they are going to run into some problems." Of course. I had seen this in myself and Peeta, him wanting to get to know people and to ally himself with them. Me wanting to keep a distance from everyone, not trusting anyone.

"In the end, it's their decision I guess." Nothing any of us could tell them would make them change their minds. It was their jobs to come to a common agreement.

"Nice hickys by the way," Haymitch said as he stood from the table. My hand quickly shot to my neck. I didn't feel anything there, but I knew what his comment was implying, he was talking about yesterday in the elevator. Great, he wasn't going to let us live that down.


	27. An Apology Maybe

_"here i am just struggling with this_

 _having a mouth and this_

 _wanting to use it and this_

 _insatiable need to be in_

 _close proximity to yours."_

 _Alison Malee_

* * *

Peeta didn't attempt to bring up the conversation from the prior night anytime after breakfast. He was nursing a pretty bad hangover. I didn't feel much better than him, but I kept repeating the words in my head

" _Katniss tell me a lie."_

" _I love you."_

" _Now tell me a truth."_

" _I'm drunk."_

" _And I won."_

Even now as I thought of them, my brain couldn't process what he meant. I had told him just what he wanted to hear, so how had he won. If anything he should be devistated.

We ended up spending the remander of our day laying in bed. The most noise I heard out of either of us was the occasional moan in agnoy. Haymitch having sensed our discomfort came into our room, bringing with him water and some pills. I gladly swolled them, anything to stop the throbbing in my head. Peeta was a little more hesitant. It wasn't that he didn't trust Haymitch, he just didn't trust the capital. It turned out that the pills worked miricals on us. After about 30 minutes the throbbing stopped, and then everything no longer seemed too bright or too loud. We were able to go about our usual day.

It wasn't like either of us had many plans while our tributes were gone. We could have gone outside to explore since we were mentors and allowed to leave when we pleased. But the Capital was pretty enough from the windows, and leaving the comfort of the training center surely meant interacting. I wouldn't be suprised if our elevator was seen in the papers today. Peeta on the other hand, suggested that we take a nap. We were both still extremely exhuasted having only gotten a couple of hours of sleep last night. I willingly agreed. Curling myself into his side.

When it became evident that sleep was not going to come to either of us I spoke, "About yesterday…" I paused I wasn't sure what I was going to say. An apology? Maybe he didn't even remeber hopefully he didn't remember. "How much do you rememeber from yesterday?"

"Most of the night actually. You?"

"Ditto." We both sat in silence for a while, neither of us daring to speak.  
"I hope that wasn't too far on the elevator yesterday." Peeta's voice broke the silence.

"No it was fine, kind of nice actually." I blushed, it was hard for me to admit I had like it. "But our talk was… Interesting."

"That's an understatement." Peeta spoke, turning his head so he could see me, "You're going to ask my why I said I won aren't you?" He remembered. It was vain of me to hope he hadn't. Another part of me was glad he remembered. It was easier this way, it would take the burden of our words all off my shoulders and distribute it more evenly. "I said I won because you're a terrible liar." I closed my eyes. "When you said you loved me, your voice seemed hurried. You were trying to skip it so I wouldn't catch it. Your voice rose slightly at the end. Turning a little more breathy. The same thing happened when you told me your truth. Your voice rose at the end, and you seemed out of breath trying to rush the answer out…" His eyes were searching my face for an answer. Did I love Peeta? Maybe. Probably. But was it romantic? Maybe... "The fact that you were so quick to tell me you loved me told me something else. That you're in denial. You were hoping that if you forced the words out during a lie they would become just that, a lie." His logic was starting to cloud my brain. It made sense, too much sense. "So tell me Katniss, am I wrong to believe that you love me?"

I wanted to say yes. Every part inside of me screaming to tell him that he was wrong. But was he wrong? If a drunk Katniss was able to admit it so openly that an equally drunk Peeta could figure it out, then it can't be a total lie. I kept myself silent however. I was afraid if I spoke my voice would crack breaking my whole resolve. Peeta, seemingly having found his answer in my silence nodded his head. He closed his eyes, gently withdrew his hand from around me and turned onto his side. Now I had done it, I had pushed him away.

"No." My voice broke, I reached my hand out for him, but he seemed to have moved miles away. "You're not wrong, not 100 percent at least. I care for you that should count as something." Peeta did not acknowledge that I had spoken. He moved himself closer to the edge of the bed, putting more distance between us. "Peeta, please." I was begging now, the pressure behind my eyes was peaking, I was going to start crying soon.

"I need space." His voice broke at the end, it appears he was crying too. Drawing my legs to my chest I rolled away from him too. I was praying this was all a bad dream. That we would wake and it would be nothing. I desperately hoped that sleep would tear me out of reality but sleep never came. The silence between us became louder, I was suffocating the longer I stayed in this room, it turns out Peeta thought the same thing because we both came face to face at the door.

He didn't look mad, just tired. He looked older, his shoulders a little slouched and his eyes red. I doubt I looked any better.

As he reached for the door I grabbed his hand. I was still pleading with him. His eyes rose to my face and I saw the pain in them. "Peeta, please believe me." He shouldn't, "I… I need you" There it was I heard it, the raise in my voice at the end.

Peeta seemed to hear it too.

* * *

 _Hello friends,_

 _Long time no see. I have been so busy lately that all i've literally done is go to school and come back home only to leave again._

 _Now this isn't my favorite chapter, but I've had it done for a while and thought I should get it out to you._

 _Thanks XOXO_

 _Loverseyes._


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